Very Secret Atlantis Journals Season 1
by Athenaktt
Summary: COMPLETED! Inspired by LOTR VSD. Fun parodic fic of what goes through the SGA character's minds by episode. ShepWeir.
1. Rising Part 1

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters or Stargate: Atlantis. MGM does. I do not profit from this or gain anything. Except for maybe readers who enjoy a good laugh._

**_Author Notes:_ **_The idea for this silly little series spawned from the "Very Secret Diaries of LOTR" So I figured why not do something like this for SG: A and I did. It took me a while to figure out how to replace my asterisk with another sign, but here it is._

_Another small reminder, this is NOT the LOTR VSD and probably is not as good as the genius that is LOTR VSD. This is just me having a little fun with my favorite series. So I hope you all enjoy it!_

_**Spoilers:** The whole series...I make references all over the place. So beware. _

_**Ship:** Sheppard and Weir mostly... _

**Rising Part 1**

**Daniel Jackson**

_Entry 1_  
Found the location of the Lost City! Yay me! It was an eight-symbol address all along. Yay me! Now if only Jack will let me go to Atlantis.

Does this sweater make me look fat?

_Entry 2_  
Jack wouldn't let me go to Atlantis. :pouts: That meanie. :pouts again:

**Jack O'Neill**

_Entry 1_  
Flew all the way down to Antarctica to he hear Danny boy and a bunch of geeks talk really fast. Nearly got shot out of the sky…again. My pilot is a mutant. Yep, it was a normal day.

Is just me or did Daniel look fat in that sweater?

_Entry 2_  
Finally the Atlantis team is gone. Now Daniel can stop whining about not being able to go. My cameo is over. I wonder where Carter is…I think I'm going to get some cake.

**Simon**

_Entry 1_  
Elizabeth left me for another galaxy. Why can't I get cast with a woman who doesn't leave me for another world? And why is it that I'm always stuck with their pets?

**Peter Grodin**

_Entry 1_  
Today was working on a drone, nearly got killed. Can't believe they are already trying to kill me in the pilot episode! Are the TPTB foreshadowing something!

_Entry 2_  
Found a shield on the Atlantis stargate. We are about to die, but I found a shield on the stargate. Did say I found a shield on the stargate?

**Elizbeth Weir**

_Entry 1_  
We're going to Atlantis! Yay! We're going to Atlantis! We're…if I say that really fast it sounds like my name. Anyway…Major Sheppard is cute. What's with the bed head look? Hm…Major Sheppard…bed… Okay need to go and make video to dump Simon. I'll tell him I'm leaving him for another galaxy instead of a flyboy.

_Entry 2_  
We're in Atlantis! We're in Atlantis! We're underwater. Power is failing. Crap. :headdesk:

**Carson**** Beckett**

_Entry 1_  
Rodney forced me to sit on the chair again today. Bastard. I bloody told him it was a bloody bad idea! Nearly blew the General out of the sky! Nearly lost my lunch!

_Entry 2_  
I think I lost my breakfast walking through the stargate. Found a hologram of a pretty Ancient lady. Power is failing. Thank god it wasn't my fault. Wait…power is failing! I think I'm going to lose my lunch.

**Rodney McKay**

_Entry 1_  
Spent most of the morning arguing with Beckett to sit on the damn chair. What a waste of the gene. Eventually got him to sit, activate the chair, accidentally active the squid drone, and nearly kill us all. Okay that was a bad idea.

I am not bitter that I do not have the gene…damn it why don't I have the Ancient gene? Maybe I _should_ get tested a third time…

_Entry 2_  
Found the Lost City. Power is failing. I will not overreact. I will not overreact. I will…I'm a dead man.

**John Sheppard**

_Entry 1_  
Chauffeured General O'Neill to Antarctica. Is it just me or does General O'Neill look like MacGyver? Nearly got shot out of the sky by a squid. Got security clearance to go a mile underground and hang out with geeks in an ice cavern. Found out I have a mutant gene. Got asked out by Weird…I mean Weir to go to the Pegasus Galaxy. Wonder if she has a boyfriend…

_Entry 2_  
I think Sumner suspects something. Paranoia…must be a side effect of being a FBI agent for two years. Damn, forgot I had my fair share of cop roles too. Wonder if the rumors about Sumner and Weir are true. Heard there is photo of the two snogging floating around.

_Entry 3_  
I think Weir likes me. She specifically asked _me_ to go with Sumner off world. I think Sumner suspects I'm competition now. Might explain the hostility. Met some aliens today. That alien chick Teyla is hot. She says she wants to show me 'something' later. I wonder if she has a boyfriend…

_Entry 4_  
Teyla ended up taking me to some cave to show me some primitive comics on the wall about the wraiths. Whatever those are. Conveniently found a necklace of hers with my flashlight. I wonder if this is a plot device or a sad attempt at ship?

**Aiden Ford**

_Entry 1_  
My job is to stand around with my gun and look pretty. I'm in the opening credits for crying out loud and I only have five lines for the first half of the pilot. Even Grodin has five lines. This doesn't look good for my character. But I'm still the pretty one.

**Marshall Sumner**

_Entry 1_  
Walked around the gate room looking all intimidating and T-1000-ish. _That_ kept the geeks from messing with me. Now if only Sheppard would stop smiling at me. He must suspect something between Weir and me or he's a fairy...

_Entry 2_  
Made contact with aliens. Sheppard's off making nice with the alien princess. That hussy. We've only been off world for a couple hours and he's already trying to charm all the women. I'm the ranking military officer. _I_ should be getting the girls.

**Teyla Emmagan**

_Entry 1_  
This Major Sheppard is kind and handsome enough. I think I may have a crush on him.

Entry 2 

He found my necklace at the caves. I definitely have a crush on him.


	2. Rising Part 2

_**A/N:** Wow thanks for all the reviews! I'm glad you guys are enjoying my warped sense of humor. I will be updating this fic periodically untilI finish the whole season. _

_Thanks to those who have been following this on my journal...and on to the update! _

**Rising Part 2**

Marshall Sumner

_Entry 3_  
Woke up in a dingy wraith cell. Then got sideswiped by some albino alien with bad teeth. My head hurts. Why is it that I'm the leader and everyone else does all the talking? My head still hurts.

_Entry 4_  
My head still hurts, but I doesn't matter now. Because I'm DEAD! I wonder why the wraith chick was the only one with red hair. Is there a Pegasus Sassoon somewhere? Well that doesn't matter now does it? Because I'm still DEAD! I'm going to haunt Sheppard's dreams now. Why? Because I'm DEAD and I can!

**John Sheppard**

_Entry 4_  
Had my first encounter with a wraith…hand. It was doing that creepy _Addam's Family_ thing, so I shot it…twice…okay a hundred times. Beckett is gonna have fun picking the bullets out. :grins: Sumner and Teyla got beamed up, when I was lost in the wood and turning schizoid. Weir going to be pissed. I'll just smile and she'll forget we screwed up.

_Entry 5_  
Brought the Athosians back to earthquake central. Weir was pissed, but she's happy now…I think. I don't think she noticed Sumner was missing. Better go bug her about saving Sumner so I can be the hero. :smirk:

_Entry 6_  
I think Weir is coming onto me. Before she wanted 'a word' with me, I swear she pressed herself against me and slapped my ass! I think ruined the moment when I brought up Sumner at the balcony. That's when she got pissed. But she looks so sexy when she's mad. I wonder if I look sexy when I'm mad.

I think she definitely likes me. She doesn't want to send 'good people' a.k.a. me to my death :grins:

_Entry 7_  
McKay found some spaceships. Awesome! Now I can add spaceship-that-looks-like-funky-Winnebego on my resume. Weir is going to flip. Now she _has_ to let me go and play hero. :grins:

_Entry 8_  
Who's the man? That's right, me. _I_ saved Teyla and the other guys. Killed some wraith. Killed the Keeper…and woke up the entire wraith population in the galaxy. Yeah we're screwed. Oh and I had to put Sumner out of his misery. He's going to haunt me now isn't he?

_Entry 9_  
I think Weir is trying to get me drunk. She keeps refilling my cup with champagne and smiling suggestively at me. She also keeps whispering Level 5 B22. Maybe…I should go and check it out.

**Elizabeth Weir**

_Entry 3_  
Sheppard brought back a whole village of dirty little people. Like I wouldn't notice that Sumner was missing. Almost forgot, the City is on the surface! Yay!

_Entry 4_  
Found a nice balcony just outside the control room. Would have enjoyed the view if Sheppard didn't keep talking about saving Sumner. Either the man has a hero complex or has a thing for Sumner…I still need to find that picture.

"Because it is!" PFFT! That boy needs some lessons on backing is arguments. Maybe I could give him some private lessons on…Damn, Rodney is calling me.

_Entry 5_  
Sheppard found a new toy to fly and insists on making the rescue. He thinks I brought him here to work Ancient machines. Yeah right. :rolls eyes: I brought him here because I'm a sucker for men in uniform. :wink: That's my story and I'm sticking to it… Now which floor was it that they found a closet on?

_Entry 6_  
Bah, shouldn't have let Sheppard go on the rescue before I had my way with him. When he gets back, I'm getting him drunk on the champagne General O'Neill left us. :evil grin:

_Entry 7_  
Champagne and Level 5 B22...That is all. :devilish grin:

**Rodney McKay**

_Entry 3_  
Sheppard may be smarter then he looks. Spouting out permutation numbers. Show off. Guess it worked. Weir wanted to have a 'word' with him. I'm not jealous. Damn it! I'm still the genius!

_Entry 4_  
Puddlejumper! Puddlejumper! Why does he get to name the ship Puddlejumper! Gateship is more logical. It's a ship. That goes through the gate. Gateship! Pure logic! I work with lunatics:headdesk:

_Entry 5_  
Someone tricked me into eating something with lemon in it...I'm a dead man.

**Teyla Emmagan**

_Entry 3_  
I knew I shouldn't have worn that stupid oversized coat today. It weighed me down and got me caught. Next time I'm wearing less clothing.

_Entry 4_  
Major Sheppard has come to save me. I think I may be in love with him.

_Entry 5_  
Major Sheppard returned my head butt greeting. I think he may love me!

**Carson**** Beckett**

_Entry 3_  
Bloody military men and shooting dead things over and over again. I spent all bloody morning taking bullets out of that wraith hand. Where's Doctor Weir? I'm getting hungry. I know! I'll try to burn the wraith hand with my huge lab magnify glass.

_Entry 4_  
Rodney says I need to get out more. Where am I going to bloody go? We are on a bloody island City!

**Aiden Ford**

_Entry 2_  
I thought Gateship one was cool. But no, Major Sheppard had to dash my ego and name the ship Puddlejumper. Sucks being a Lieutenant. I'm still the pretty boy.

_Entry 3_  
The Major is a power monger. He wouldn't let me name the Lifesigns detector either. I'll show him. I'll keep calling it that until everyone else starts calling it a Lifesigns detector. Then he'll _have_ to say it's the Lifesign detector.

_Entry 4_  
Doctor Weir was passing out booze! This job rocks! I am _not_ drunk! Just very hyper and cute :grins:


	3. Hide and Seek

_**Author Notes:**_

_**Lennexa-**I'm glad you're enjoying the fic. Sorry, I try to be nice towardsTeyla, but the ShepWeir in my always takes over...so be warned for later chapters. ;)_

_**Hazeydream**-Sorry about make your cough ten times worse. Hopefully yourcough is better now, and you won't choke to death reading the next chapters. _

_**Kate**-I feel you're pain. When write this at work, I'm snickering as well...It's a wonder why I still have a job. :facepalm:_

_And thanks to everyone else who reviewed and are also following the fic on my journal! The next chapter should be up_ _in a couple days! Thanks again!_

**Hide and Seek**

**Rodney McKay**

_Entry 6_

I have the Ancient gene! At least I _will_. grins But I'm starting to wonder if Carson gave me the right shot. This green thingy is _still_ not working on me, but I _am_ feeling a little dry mouth and a headache. If I start getting an urge to run in a small wheel, I will _kill_ Carson.

_Entry 7_

I'm INVULNERABLE! I'm going to find Sheppard to shoot me and throw me off a balcony. I'm not crazy. I'm INVULNERABLE!

_Entry 8_

I'm a dead man. Carson and Peter are still mocking me and eating in front of me. Do they not understand I'M A DEAD MAN! Damn it, I'm hungry now.

_Entry 9_

I'm still a dead man. Sheppard and Ford have joined the mocking and offered me popcorn. Bastards.

_Entry 10_

Still a dead man. Weird things are happening in the City. I refuse to believe there are ghosts floating around. I am a scientist and a genius. I will find a logical explanation for these occurrences…Did the lights just flicker? I'm going to find Elizabeth. Still a dead man.

_Entry 11_

Contrary to what everyone is saying. I didn't NOT faint. I passed out from Manly Hunger! Damn it! I'm still a dead man.

_Entry 12_

Shield came off. Sheppard and Elizabeth are accusing me of being a coward. I am _not_ a coward. I am a _very_ hungry genius at the moment. It's disturbing how those two gave me the same raised eyebrow look. I wonder what took them so long to get to me, when they said they found an elevator... Ooo I smell food….

_Entry 13_

Who is the hero now? I believe. _I_ saved the day today. Must go and gloat to Sheppard.

**Carson**** Beckett**

_Entry 5_

Yay! The Gene therapy worked. If it didn't work, Rodney would have turned into Mouse Man instead of Captain Untouchable. :snicker:

_Entry 6_

Lights are coming on and off by themselves. And it's not my fault. Thank God. Phew! Wait a minute. Is the City haunted! I think I'm going to need my own personal shield.

_Entry 7_

Rodney fainted. Hahahaha

_Entry 8_

Rodney fainted again. Hahahaha

**Peter Grodin**

_Entry 3_

$!#McKay tricked me into hitting him! I think I broke my hand.

_Entry 4_

My hands still hurts. But apparently Mr. Invulnerable is going to die of starvation. Oh the irony. Going to go make fun of Rodney with my nice hot cup of coffee.

_Entry 5_

Rodney fainted. Hahahaha

_Entry 6_

My task for the day is to sit in front of the computer and turn the generator on and off to mess with the mind of an energy blob. Oh joy:headdesk:

_Entry 7_

Rodney fainted again! hahahaha

**John Sheppard**

_Entry 10_

Shot Rodney, then pushed him off a balcony. :smirk: I wonder what would happen if I ran him over with a puddlejumper.

_Entry 11_

Scared the Beegeezus out of the Athosian kids with my _Jason_ story…who am I kidding? They scared _me_ with their interest in hockey. :cringe: Must watch football to erase memory.

_Entry 12_

Tried to read my book, but Jinto had to go and get himself lost. Now I have to go and wake Weir up in the middle of the night. I wonder what she wears to sleep…

_Entry 13_

Mckay fainted. Hahahaha

_Entry 14_

Found a blob sucking the all the energy in the city. What's with this galaxy and aliens sucking the life out of everything? Pegasus should be renamed Suck-the-Life-Out-of-Everything Galaxy.

_Entry 15_

Found Jinto. Found a transporter. :grins:

_Entry 16_

If my hair wasn't messy already, I think Elizabeth messed up my hair when we were alone in the transporter. :smirk: Wonder if Rodney suspects…Nah, he was too hungry to notice.

_Entry 17_

Hail Mary! McKay saved the day and…fainted AGAIN! hahahaha

**Elizabeth Weir**

_Entry 8_

Nothing like waking up to the sight of 10,000 year old dead plants... Must remember to tell someone to throw them out. You'd think the Ancients would take their plants with them. Damn Ancients spreading life around the galaxies and leaving them to die. How irresponsible. I need coffee.

_Entry 9_

I had coffee. Not cranky anymore. :smile:

_Entry 10_

I work with CHILDREN:facepalm: Need more coffee.

_Entry 11_

Sheppard came to my room tonight…to tell me Jinto got lost in the City. Damn it! Leave it to children to get lost in the middle of the night, and for once it's not Rodney.

_Entry 12_

Now the Athosians are seeing "shadows." I _told_ them to get rid of the dead plants. Those things look creepy when you're half-awake.

_Entry 13_

Oh dear, Rodney fainted and the whole crew won't stop laughing. I work with CHILDREN:facepalm:

_Entry 14_

Jinto apparently found an elevator. :naughty thoughts:

_Entry 15_

Succeeded in sending the blob to a barren wasteland. Yay! I knew the City wasn't haunted. We haven't found any dead bodies in the city…yet.

**Teyla Emmagan**

_Entry 6_

Major Sheppard sided with Doctor Weir today. I think I only have a crush on him instead…but he _did _ask me to join his team. Okay, I still love him.

_Entry 7_

Even though I do not understand what this football is. All I see is an oddly shaped ball being thrown and men battling each other for it. I still love Major Sheppard…and I think alsoI like popcorn.

_Entry 8_

Doctor Mckay has lost consciousness, yet everyone finds this amusing. I will only smile and nod. :smiles and nods:

_Entry 9_

I think Major Sheppard approves of my idea to lure the darkness out through the stargate. Squeee! If this works, he will truly be in love with me!

**Aiden Ford**

_Entry 5_

Is it just me or do I have really miniscule number of lines in this episode? I'm still the pretty one! Why does Grodin still has more scenes then me in this episode!

_Entry 6_

Aw man! McKay just fainted. Too funny! Hahahaha

_Entry 7_

My pretty face! I look like I walked into a bug zapper. I _feel_ like I walked into a bug zapper. God be my witness! I shall be pretty again! Wonder if I get ice cream for being zapped.

_Entry 8_

McKay fainted again! Hahahaha


	4. 38 Minutes

_**A/N: **I'm glad that you guys are enjoying this silly fic. Thank you thank you thank you guys all so much. I just have to say I love my readers. You guys always make my day. I guess that what keeps me from actually working at work, andinstead I'm writing fics. :P_

_Anyways since this installation is for "38Minutes", I'm going to shameless promote an older fic I wrote about what Sheppard might have wanted to say to Weir in the episode. And of course being me it is Sheppard and Weir.And since won't let me post the link up here. You can access it through my profile titled "An Honor to Serve". Thanks again!_

**38 Minutes**

**Aiden Ford**

_Entry 9_  
Finally! An episode where I have more lines! Oh forgot, Major Sheppard's screwed; he has a vampire bug sucking the life out of him. Now I'm definitely the prettiest. That bug is butt ugly!

_Entry 10_  
Crap, they should have left me dematerialized in the event horizon. Now we are all screwed.

_Entry 11_  
Did Teyla say that's a wraith bug? Gross! I am definitely prettier than that bug. I should stop throwing stuff at Teyla, she looks like she's going eat me.

_Entry 12_  
Everyone has something important to do. Rodney is figuring out…stuff. Teyla's staring longingly at the Major. The Major is…suffering. I'll just stand here and look worried and pretty.

_Entry 13_  
Wow, never realized we had so much crap in your vests. It's like a Mary Poppins vest. All we're missing is a can of Raid. Ooo chocolate…

_Entry 14  
_Iodine, alcohol, salt, water…Aside from the Major screaming in pain and throwing me across the backcompartment. I feel like I'm cooking. Now I'm hungry and McKay just took my chocolate bar. Bastard. And I think I bumped my head on one of the chairs.

_Entry 15_  
Crap, I killed the Major…I'm screwed.

_Entry 16_  
Gross! The wraith bug is wrapped in my jacket and its guts are all over the jumper chairs. Ick! Wonder who's job is it to clean that up?

_Entry 17_  
Ow…I was running for the event horizon and hit the bulkhead doors instead. Crap, now I have to open the rear hatch.

_Entry 18_  
We're alive, obviously. I'm glad my jacket got blown out of the ship. Now I can have a new pretty one. :grins:

**Rodney McKay**

_Entry 14_  
As mean as this sounds…Sheppard is getting hickey from a bug! Hahahaha.

_Entry 15_  
Ouch! The next time we decide to get stuck in a stargate I want to be sitting down with my seat belt fastened. What a minute…that's the event horizon…We are stuck in the stargate…Crap, I'm a dead man.

_Entry 16_  
35 minutes…I will not overreact. I will not overreact. I will…for crying out loud! Ford needs to get to the point already. Just tell Elizabeth, wraith base gone. Wraith attack. Sheppard injured. We stuck. We have problem. Oh dear 34 minutes…I'm a dead man.

_Entry 17_  
27 minutes…Closed bulkhead doors with minute hope of surviving after the gate shuts down and we slowly drift off and become space junk…no thanks to the Atlantis staff:shakes fist: I'm a dead man.

_Entry 18_  
25 minutes…the wraith evolved from giant bugs…yeah…We'll worry about that if we survive. I think I'm getting cross-eyed from looking at these glowing glass panels. :crosses eyes: I can see my nose!

_Entry 19_  
19 minutes…I'm hungry…I'm a dead man, and my last meal is a chocolate bar. My dreams have indeed been fulfilled.

_Entry 20_  
15 minutes…we've slid in further…Did I mention I'm a dead man?

_Entry 21_  
7 minutes…Sheppard decided to die first…no pressure…I'm so dead.

_Entry 22  
_The drive pods retracted! We aren't moving…2 minutes…I'm a dead man.

_Entry 23_  
We're on the other side! We're alive! Well except for Sheppard...oh wait never mind, Beckett revived him. We're alive!

**John Sheppard**

_Entry 18_  
I have a giant bug around my neck giving me a hickey. I am NOT a happy camper. Where is the can of Raid when you need it?

_Entry 19_  
I have a giant bug around my neck and just hit my head on the jumper ramp again…What happen to 'Fragile: handle with care!' Are they trying to kill me? Ow…I'm going to pass out now.

_Entry 20_  
Why are we not in Atlantis yet? I see the event horizon…I'm beyond screwed. :headwall:

_Entry 21_

If I weren't incapacitated, I would kick the crap out of McKay so he would shut up. My head and neck still hurt.

_Entry 22_  
Now Teyla tells me it's a wraith bug. How much more screwed can a man get? We're only 19 minutes into the episode…crap. I'm SO beyond screwed.

_Entry 23_  
Still screwed and still in pain. :headwall repeatedly:

_Entry 24_  
The damn bug is finally off me…but one problem…I'm DEAD!

_Entry 25_  
I lied. I'm still alive, but starving. Doctor Weir refuses to give me food until I tell her what I was going to say. The woman is evil!

**Teyla Emmagan**

_Entry 10_  
Oh no! Major Sheppard is injured now is my chance to nurse him back to…OUCH! Who is driving? Things are falling on my head. OUCH! If Lieutenant Ford throws another gauze strip at me I'm going to kick his ass.

_Entry 11_  
If this wraith bug doesn't let go of Major Sheppard soon, I'm going to kick its ass too!

_Entry 12_  
Did Lieutenant Ford say 'cut his shirt off'?' I thought he'd never ask. :grins:

_Entry 13_  
Major Sheppard can't die! I love him:sobs: Oh yeah, I have to drag the Major through the event horizon.

_Entry 14_  
We are all still alive! I will wear my rainbow disco outfit to visit Major Sheppard in the infirmary.

**Elizabeth Weir**

_Entry 16_  
This is the first episode I don't have to wear our Galaxy Quest uniforms! Yay! Instead, I look like I stepped out of the starship Enterprise…I really need to find the Atlantis Laundromat.

_Entry 17  
_How the hell they Sheppard get a bug attached to him? He couldn't have been stupid and just walk into it…wait that is exactly what he did. :facepalm:

_Entry 18_  
The puddlejumper is stuck in the Stargate! And now Rodney tells me there is a 38-minute time limit? Where was that vital information when I was being briefed to run the Stargate program? That's right the SGC didn't have problems of spaceships getting stuck in a Stargate, they didn't have any puddlejumpers to get stuck with:headdesk:

_Entry 19_  
What is it with the Athosians and wanting to prepare for death? Damn! Just wasted a minute arguing with mountain man. Must find a place to keep dirty little people from bothering me. I think I need coffee…Damn! No time. Arrggh!

_Entry 20_  
I should have kicked Kavanaugh in the balls and push him off the balcony. I can still do it. I am the Governor of the Colony. Kavanaugh is SO on the List. :evil grin:

_Entry 21_  
I am going to kick Lieutenant Ford for interrupting John. I want to know what he was going to say! Now I'll never know:headdesk:

_Entry 22_  
I work with lunatics! Tell me, how is killing oneself to remove a bug a good idea?

_Entry 23_  
I'm going to have to kick John's ass for making me worry again. Unless he tells me what he was going to say…maybe then I'll be nice. I have to kick a lot of asses today…better get started. :devil grin:

_Entry 24_  
Sheppard still wont' tell me what he was going to say. He is SO going to get it.

**Carson**** Beckett**

_Entry 9_  
Crap, how do you diagnose something you're never seen or heard of? On the bright side, I don't have to be near the bug. Poor Major Sheppard, he will be sorely missed. OUCH! Doctor Weir just pinched me for being negative.

**Kavanaugh**

_Entry 1  
_Weir just cut my nuts off! I mean…metaphorically…don't let the long hair and bitchy attitude throw you off. Weir just threaten to send me to my own planet…with my ego…maybe I should take the offer. King Kavanaugh…ooo alliteration.

**Radek Zelenka**

_Entry 1_  
Yippee! My first appearance! And I told Doctor Weir to shut up…but I did say 'please' and remembered to smile nicely. :smiles:


	5. Suspicion

**_Author's Notes: _**

_**Gatelover313-**Thanks! Yes, I do have a whole season to write! But I promise you I will finish the whole season. I won't leave you guys hanging too long. _

_**Dr. Dredd**-Yes I love the whole :facepalm: and :headdesk: stuff. I'm glad you are enjoying the "I work with CHIDREN!" line as well. You'll be seeing more of that in later episodes. _

_**Hazeydream**-Thanks again! I try my best to let each character have a little moment to shine. _

_And to everyone esle who reviewed Thank you!_

**Suspicion**

Elizabeth Weir

_Entry 25_  
Sheppard's team just left and they're coming back already! Either he misses me too muchgone, OR his team is just prone to get in trouble. I have a feeling it's the latter. Bastard. I haven't had my coffee yet.

_Entry 26_  
Was going to tell Sheppard to meet me at Level 5 B22, but Grodin was in ear shot range, so I made up something about there being a spy in Atlantis. Crap. I now I have to have a briefing about it. :facepalm:

_Entry 27_  
I definitely work with children. I come into the conference room to find Rodney massaging his feet on the table; Sheppard playing cards; Ford laughing like he's on a happy pill; and Bates picking fights with everyone. I must have been on acid when I picked these guys to be in my team. :headwall:

_Entry 28_  
Interviewed mountain man, I mean Halling, today. Bates did a good job of pissing him off. I thought he was going to eat him alive! If Bates does that again I'm going to kick his ass or let the mountain man eat him. :shakes fist:

_Entry 29_  
Sheppard keeps nagging me about letting him go check out the mainland again. I think he wants to go surfing. Sheppard surfing…wet Sheppard…If I didn't make up that spy story we could be soaking in the rays now. Damn it.

_Entry 30_  
Perfect! The Mountain man…I mean Halling and the Athosians are willing to move to the mainland. That way it doesn't look like we forced them to move out of the City, and I still look like he good guy…gal…woman…governor…whatever.

_Entry 31_  
I have a headache. Sheppard and Bates are yelling at each other…like children again. I will resist the urge to tell them to go to their rooms. I _will_ resist! I need an aspirin.

_Entry 32_  
So it was John's fault for finding Teyla's necklace in the first place. Should have seen that coming. General O'Neill told him NOT do touch anything, but he sat down and activated the weapons chair. He's like a three year old who has to touch everything…if John doesn't stop poking me right now I'm going to lock him in a closet again. :glare:

_Entry 33_  
Finally alone! The boys are off poking their new pet wraith with a stick. :facepalm:

**John Sheppard**

_Entry 26_  
I always thought I was an attractive man, but attracting wraiths everywhere I go is just _not_ cool. Must be the new after-shave. :smirk:

_Entry 27_  
Rodney got shot in the face with a stunner. Now he's drooling like a baby. Hahahaha! Got to tell Ford to take a picture and save it for future blackmail. :smirk:

_Entry 28_  
Either Bates hates Teyla with a passion, or he loves her with a passion. Such antagonism it can only mean love.

_Entry 29_  
This sucks! Weir is suspending all off-world activity. Either she misses me too much to let me leave, or she's jealous of Teyla. The new after-shave is really having an effect on the ladies. wink

_Entry 30_  
Conned a turkey sandwich off of Ford. That boy is too easy. I was going to let him come with me anyway. Sucker! I like being the ranking military officer. smirk

_Entry 31_  
Finally able to go off world and baby-sit anthropologists trying to read rocks. Fun! I'd almost rather be attacked by wraiths.

_Entry 32_  
I totally jinxed myself in the last entry. We got attacked and a wraith shot me. Now I feel all tinglely inside. Damn wraiths.

_Entry 33_  
So that necklace I found _was_ a plot device. I thought as much. I wonder what other things I might activated by my touch. OUCH! Okay…touching Elizabeth when she is pissed activates a slap. I won't even think about touching McKay. :cringe:

_Entry 34_  
Almost got blown up by a suicidal wraith. But we still caught ourselves a wraith. :grins: I'm going to go and poke it with a stick.

**Rodney McKay**

_Entry 24_  
Got hit in the face with a wraith stunner. Sheppard, Beckett, and everyone else were laughing at my expense. I am going to kill Ford for taking that picture of me in the infirmary. I bet it was Sheppard's idea. :glare:

_Entry 25_  
I miss airplane food. Everything in those little trays and cups and sitting in a cramped space with some big guy invading your space. Nothing like flying commercial airlines. What was a going to talk about? Oh yeah…found the jumper bay sunroof. :Pats self on back:

_Entry 26_  
Bates just dumped Teyla's stuff all over my lab table. Look at this mess! Ooo pretty necklace. Hm…Teyla has a headband in her purse. I wonder why she never uses it. Doesn't her hair get in the way? I know if I had long hair…I think I should get back to work.

_Entry 27_  
I'm not nervous. Sheppard keeps saying I'm nervous. Why did I decide to come on the wraith hunt mission? I'm not nervous. I'm…I'm a dead man. Sheppard better let me poke our new pet wraith with a stick...if we don't die getting him.

**Aiden Ford**

_Entry 19_  
Hehe took a picture of McKay drooling like a baby. Hearing McKay yelling at me like a zombie to "Twooop! Twooop!" Was just classic! I better go hide the picture before McKay can move again.

_Entry 20_  
Bribing Major Sheppard to let me go cruising with him was too easy. But when it comes to naming things, he's still a power monger. _Atlantica_ sounds cool. I like _Atlantica_. I bet if it was up to the Major, he'd name it planet _Ball of Rock_. :sulks:

_Entry 21_  
My head hurts. Major Sheppard keeps repeating 'you hit your head?' over and over again. Like that is so hard to believe. Major Sheppard is mean. I'm still prettier then him. :sticks tongue out:

_Entry 22_  
Stun Grenades. Check. Tazers. Check. P-90. Check. Wraith Beacon. Check. It's wraith hunting season be wery wery quiet. This is going to be awesome! And I will NOT hit my head falling this time.

_Entry 23_  
We got a wraith! We got a wraith! Major Sheppard won't let me poke the wraith. :pout:

**Sergeant Bates**

_Entry 1_  
Athosians…dirty little people and their grubby little hand on everything…they are all spies I tell you! Spies! The grubby exterior is a cover! Yes! I'm paranoid! Almost as paranoid as Fox Mulder!

_Entry 2_  
The Major found land on the planet. Perfect place to shove all the Athosians at so they can live their primitive little lives. Teyla is going to be pissed. grins I just love pissing-people-who-can-beat-the-crap-out-of-me off. a.k.a. Mountain Man Halling and Teyla. :smirk:

_Entry 3_  
Added Major Sheppard to the list of people I successfully pissed off today. :smirk:

_Entry 4_  
Stole Teyla's purse. She didn't have anything good inside. So I told McKay to find something interesting. Teyla is going to be so pissed at me. :grins: Yeah, I have issues.

_Entry 5_  
Ha! I was right! She was giving way our position! Just…not intentionally as I accused.

**Teyla Emmagan**

_Entry 15_  
Major Sheppard invited me to walk on the balcony…only to talk about Doctor Weir. I sense that my feelings for the Major are not being reciprocated. But he _did _save my life that one time…okay I still love him.

_Entry 16_  
I am feeling shunned by everyone. :sobs: The only person who still talks to me is Major Sheppard. That must mean that he has feeling for me…I hope. Halling accuses me of dressing like the Atlantis team. I only dress like them because they keep snickering and saying something about '80s fashion' behind my back. :rolls eyes:

_Entry 17_  
My people have abandoned me. But I remain on the City for my one true love, Major Sheppard. :dreamy sigh:

_Entry 18_  
Major Sheppard has saved me from the wraith again. Is it possible for me to love him even more? It must be fate!

**Wraith Steve**

_Entry 1_  
This filthy human with crazy hair refuses to stop poking me with a stick! I WILL BE YOUR DEATH :hiss:


	6. Childhood's End

**_Author's Notes:_**

_**Hazeydream** - I guess to where John touched Elizabeth in the last chapter, I leave for your imagination. To be honest, I'm not even sure where he touched her. LOL_

_Again thanks for all the reviews everyone!_

**Childhood's End**

****

**John Sheppard**

_Entry 35_  
I blame the genius that is Rodney for making me fly into an electromagnetic field and crash land the jumper. :glare:

_Entry 36_  
Forgot what direction the Stargate was at. No thanks to McKay and his wonky compass we're probably going to walk straight into trouble. And Weir blames _me_ for all the situations my team gets into. I'm not _that_ much of a troublemaker.

_Entry 37_  
Crash-landed a jumper. Used a wonky compass as a guide home. Being held at…arrow point by kids. Yep. It's a good day.

_Entry 38_  
Oh look wraith bones! These kids really need some adults around. Keeping wraith bones around is just plain creepy, and not to mention dangerous when people like McKay come and fiddles with their defenses. :looks around: I'm not giving the plot away am I?

_Entry 39_  
Elders…I thought elders refered to people who were old, wise, bent over, and saying "hello there sonny" with a shaky voices. Damn these kids make me feel OLD!

_Entry 40_  
These delusional kids and their suicide pacts. I think I'm going to implant the seed of rebellion in Keras's brain. Nothing like corrupting young minds. :evil grin:

_Entry 41_  
I'm never going to see that jumper again. McKay is going to attempt to fly and crash it. I work with children! Wait…that's not my line. I _am_ one of the children. And I'm Elizabeth's favorite. :smirk:

_Entry 42_  
Kids are so gullible. They actually believed me that McKay was at the jumper waiting for us. It's fun being an adult. When you make a serious face, they actually think you're serious. Stupid kids. :shakes head:

_Entry 43_  
They eventually figured out we were lying to them and started to point their sticks at us again. Speaking of sticks…I need a new stick. Steve got pissed and broke the last one… I wonder what the kids would do if I told them to go to their rooms. :wonders:

_Entry 44_  
We fixed the electromagnetic field. The kids are protected again. Atlantis is still potential target practice for the wraiths. Yeah, very successful mission. :headdesk:

**Rodney McKay**

_Entry 28_  
Ah Colonel Samantha Carter…the flame I have for thee still burns…ooh powerful energy reading must check it out. Could be a ZPM…or maybe not…jumper is shaking…I'm a dead man.

_Entry 29_  
Great none of my equipment is working. Now I actually _have_ to pretending I know stuff. I'll steal Ford's compass. At least I can look at that and spout out technobabble, and still look like the genius that I am.

_Entry 30_  
Nothing like being attacked by children with primitive weapons. I despise children. I refuse to believe that I was ever a child. :snark:

_Entry 31_  
Wonderful. We are on a planet with SUICIDAL children. What's next having children baby-sit us? Aw crap…spoke too soon…the two 'villagers' sent to keep an eye on me are midgets. I mean monsters…little demons…children… :facepalm:

_Entry 32_  
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Will these kids ever shut up! Is this bad karma or something? Is this revenge for me never shutting up? Did Sheppard put the kids up to this? Bastard. :shakes fist:

_Entry 33_  
Ford shouldn't have stopped me. I could have taken those children…kids…little people…midgets… monsters… Anyway found a ZPM! Yay! This is like taking candy from a baby...Not that I'm implying that I have done that…I'm going to shut up now. :shifty eyes:

_Entry 34_  
Why is it that when we are short on time, we are stuck figuring out riddles or sequences? Can't the Ancients just make anything simple like plug and play? Of course not, that would make life too easy for their primitive descendents.

_Entry 35_  
The little monsters came back from the rest of my chocolate. Grrrr…now they are going to be hyper and drive me nuts as I try to fix the shield:facepalm: Ouch! Now the low hanging branches of the trees are attacking me!

_Entry 36_  
Of course I can fix the shield! I'm smarter then you…kids. raspberry

_Entry 37_  
My toe still hurts. That little midget stomped on it really hard. What else did she want? Is there such a thing as adult abuse? Must ask Elizabeth later.

_Entry 38_  
Asked Elizabeth about adult abuse and she won't stop laughing…**Note to self:** Must find something to blackmail Elizabeth with…

**Teyla Emmagan**

_Entry 19_  
Men, they never want to ask for directions. If we didn't keep going off course because of Doctor Mckay, we would have been at the Stargate by now. Instead, we are stuck baby-sitting a tribe of children. I wonder if Major Sheppard wants children of his own… he would make a wonderful father. :dreamy sigh:

_Entry 20_  
Doctor McKay and Lieutenant Ford left me alone with Major Sheppard on the planet. :smiles: But it appears the Major is more interested in talking to Keras then talking with me. :pouts:

**Aiden Ford**

_Entry 24_  
McKay stole my compass and he won't give it back. :pouts:

_Entry 25_  
Full growns? Who's calling me a full-grown? I don't want to grow up. I want to be a Toys 'R' Us kid…that runs around with assault weapons. :grins:

_Entry 26_  
This is weird. I always felt like the baby of the team, but on this planet…I'm feel old. The Major and McKay are like…SENOIR CITIZENS… :snicker: I wonder how old Teyla is…if she's older then me…then she's a GRANDMA:snicker:

_Entry 27_  
Three words. McKay with children. That is classic entertainment! Now he's fighting with the kids. I better stop them before the kids beat up McKay. :snickers:

_Entry 28_  
The grumpy old man broke the ZPM. We are screwed.

_Entry 29_  
The grumpy old man fixed the ZPM. Now we can party! I mean go home and prepare for another mission to find ZPMs…Maybe Major Sheppard will let me poke the wraith today. :hopes:

**Keras**

_Entry 1_  
These full growns are very interesting…too bad I have to die tonight. I'm not sure know why, but Major Sheppard insisted I chose the two little ones to watch over McKay while he works.

_Entry 2_  
Now that our suicide pact as been broken, I'm am going to be the oldest one of the tribe forever. Elder for life!

**Elizabeth Weir**

_Entry 35_  
Rodney wants to steal from children. When did I hire thieves as part of my expedition team? I work with CORRUPTED children. :headdesk:

_Entry 36_  
Adult abuse! Hahahahahhahahaha

**Wraith Beacon**

_Entry 1_  
Blink…blink…blink…blink…blink…blink…

_Entry 2_  
Blink…blink…blink…blink…blink…blink…

_Entry 3_  
Blink…blink…blink…I got shot…:dies:


	7. Poisoning the Well

_**A/N: **Again thanks for all the reviews! I'm glad you guys like the Wraith Beacon entries. I figured if the Beacon get is own screen time in the episode, it might as well have it's own entry! Anyways on to the next episode! Thanks again!_

**Poisoning the Well**

**John Sheppard**

_Entry 45_  
Is it just me or does the Hoffan Chancellor look like Santa Claus? Wonder if I can get him to say "Ho! Ho! Ho!"

_Entry 46_  
I feel like a pincushion. Ow! And Elizabeth won't stop poking me where Beckett repeatedly stabbed me with a needle during my 'physical.'  
**Note to self:** Don't piss off Beckett and Weir…maybe I'll just piss off Weir. She's hot when she's pissed. :smirk:

_Entry 47_  
Who knew Beckett was possessive with his ladies. I just said "Good Morning" to Perna and he was about to stab me with a needle again! Sheesh! I'm going to go poke Steve.

_Entry 48_  
Steve looks hungry. Weir won't let me feed Kavanaugh to him. :sulk: I wonder where Rodney went. Maybe Steve ate him!

_Entry 50_  
Scratch that. Rodney was annoying Elizabeth, but now it's my turn to annoy Elizabeth. :smirk:

_Entry 51_  
Steve must be really hungry. He just sits there even when I poke him. Oh look he blinked! I'm going to tell Weir.

_Entry 52_  
Took Steve on a field trip to Huff...I mean Hoff. Got some skinny dying guy for him to eat. Now Steve looks green…come to think of it...Steve was always kind of greenish blue...

_Entry 53_  
R.I.P. Steve! You were the first pet that tried to eat me everyday:sheds a tear and pokes corpse with stick:

_Entry 54_  
Santa Claus wouldn't listen to me. Now the Hoffans are dying. Hoffans…what kind of name is Hoffan? Sounds like a Disney character on acid.

**Rodney McKay**

_Entry 39_  
Sheppard needs to stop telling me to get Chancellor Druhin to say "Ho! Ho! Ho!" I'm starting to wonder if Sheppard actually drank that wraith serum when no one was looking.

_Entry 40_  
Question! Where am I for the next 40 minutes of this episode!…Now I know how Ford feels. I'll go bother Elizabeth, since she's hardly in this episode too.

**Teyla Emmagan**

_Entry 21_  
Major Sheppard let me follow him everywhere today. Yay! But he hardly said anything to me today. If he stares at the blond wench again, I'll kick him. He must have a thing for doctors…

_Entry 22_  
I was at the Medical Center when the Hoffans started dropping like flies. Maybe Major Sheppard will fall in love with me while _I_ play doctor!

**Aiden Ford**

_Entry 30_  
Steve is sleeping like a baby…because I shot him:grin:

_Entry 31_  
R.I.P. Steve! I'm still the pretty one!

_Entry 32_  
I need more then one liners to show my charm damn it! At least I'm the pretty one. :wink:

**Elizabeth Weir**

_Entry 37_  
I AM THE BOSS! Damn it! Do I need to have it written on my forehead!… Apparently…I do…:headdesk:

_Entry 38_  
Rodney needs to go away. Just because we are hardly in this episode, doesn't mean I want to be annoyed off screen:headdesk:

_Entry 39_  
Wake up. Check. Bang head against wall. Check. Throw the Geneva Convention out the window. Check. Bang head against wall again. Check. Throw sanity out the window. Check. Sex in closet with Sheppard. :grins: Check.

**Carson**** Beckett**

_Entry 10_  
That's it! Major Sheppard is getting an extra physical examination. No one bloody volunteers me without consulting me first:gets out syringes:

_Entry 11_  
I hate gate travel! It's bloody insane…Ooh pretty lady. Hands off Major! She's mine:syringe in hand:

_Entry 12_  
Perna is pretty and she likes me. :goofy grin: Why did I come to Hoff again? Oh right researching some wraith immunity serum…Perna is pretty and she likes me… :sigh:

_Entry 13_  
Yay! The wraith serum worked! Perna must definitely love me now! Now I know how Major Sheppard feels. That's how the bastard gets all the ladies.

_Entry 14_  
Uh oh, Steve just died; this does not look good for my relationship with Perna :sigh:…Major Sheppard needs to stop poking the wraith corpse so I can do an autopsy.

_Entry 15_  
Why can't I meet a nice girl that doesn't die? This better not be a bloody pattern for the future:shakes fists:

**Steve Wraith**

_Entry 2_  
I'm hungry.: hiss: I'm hungry. :hiss: I'm hungry. :hiss: Filthy humans! I am your DEATH! I'm hungry. :hiss:

_Entry 3_  
I'm hungry. :hiss: I'm hungry. :hiss: I'm hungry. :hiss: The door is open:runs: FILTHY HUMANS:gets shot: I'm hungry…

_Entry 4_  
I am still hungry:hiss: Why do they keep calling me Steve! Do they not understand my name is Your Death! Stupid humans. :hiss: I'm hungry…

_Entry 5_  
Filthy deceitful humans! They bring me weak inedible sustenance. :hiss: I'm still hungry. :hiss:

_Entry 6_  
I am…hungry… :hiss: I…am…poisoned:hiss: I…am…dying… :hiss: I…am…dead. :hiss:dies:hiss:


	8. Underground

_**A/N: **At the risk of sounding like a broken record, thanks for all the reviews!_

_**Emma: **I've wondered about that for Carson, but it's still early in the series. Maybe later in the series Carson will meet a nice gal who doesn't die. _

_**JohnLiz4ever:** I'm glad I could make you smile! _

_**Belisse:** There is something about poking things that I find so funny. I'm just weird I guess._

_**Puddles1311:** Don't worry there will more "I work with Children" later...and I'm sure you can guess who's going to say it. _

_**Dr. Dredd:** LOL. I know poor Elizabeth! She's going to need a pillow on her desk just for all the :headdesks:._

**Underground**

Elizabeth Weir

_Entry 40_  
Sheppard sleeping. Rodney eating. Ford staring at Rodney. Teyla staring at Rodney. Me…apparently talking to myself. Yep, just another briefing in Atlantis. :headdesk:

_Entry 41_  
I stashed the rest of the coffee in my room. Rodney without coffee. Now that's entertainment. :evil grin:

_Entry 42_  
I guess I really DO need a sign saying I'M THE BOSS across my forehead:bangs head against wall repeatedly:

_Entry 43_  
Next time I am making John write "I will not offer nuclear weapons in trade" 200 times in ANCIENT! All I asked was for them to find food:facepalm: Hunters and gatherers my ass!

_Entry 44_  
I work with children suffering from ADD:facepalm:

_Entry 45_  
Sergeant Bates got some food with the Manarans…for some reason it reminds me of marinara. First the Genii. Now Manarians…what's next Parmesanians?

_Entry 46_  
I'm off duty, but I'm still I the control tower…working…Yes…I'm a workaholic… :facepalm: I wonder if John notices my new top?

**John Sheppard**

_Entry 55_  
Elizabeth accused me of falling asleep at the briefing again. I was awake the whole time! I was waiting for Rodney to choke on that sandwich. How does he eat, drink, and talk at the same time? He must _not_ be human.

_Entry 56_  
Why is it that every time we meet a pretty girl, everyone assumes I'm hitting on her? I'm not Captain Kirk…am I:appalled:

_Entry 57_  
I can add 'clearing a stump' onto my resume now. :smirk: Elizabeth will be so proud…or not.

_Entry 58_  
Uh-oh, Weir closed the door to her office. I'm in BIG trouble. I don't think smiling prettily is going to work. What if I kissed her...too many windows...that can wait.

_Entry 59_  
My hand hurts. Elizabeth wouldn't let me leave Atlantis until I wrote, "Doctor Elizabeth Weir is the Boss" 200 times and turn it in to her.

_Entry 60_  
For the record, McKay found the secret hatch. I only climbed down to observe. So it's official! McKay is the troublemaker!

_Entry 61_  
Nothing like being held at gun point with giant pipes. I'm bored. I'm going to mimic everything McKay does. :crosses arms like Rodney:

_Entry 62_  
Rodney knows how to build an A-Bomb!…I'm going to stop mimicking him now.

_Entry 63_  
Nothing like soaking up radiation, so I can have mutant offspring. :facepalm:

_Entry 64_  
Why the hell am I seriously contemplating helping the Genii with this flawed attack plan? There are so many flaws! Did I mention there are flaws! But…we need food…Damn. :headdesk:

_Entry 65_  
Getting lectured twice in one day. That's a new record for me! Yay!

_Entry 66_  
Nobody messes with John Sheppard and gets away with it. Stupid shifty eyed Genii, getting Elizabeth mad at me twice in one day. :grumble: At least I took that weird wraith control thingy.

_Entry 67_  
Elizabeth was saying something about sixty or more hive ships…Damn she looks hot in that tank top!

**Rodney McKay**

_Entry 41_  
I think the fifteenth cup of coffee was a bad idea. I'm starting to feel jittery, and I need to go to the bathroom again. Damn caffeine.

_Entry 42_  
42! The meaning of life! I'm such a nerd! But still the genius!

_Entry 43_  
Nothing like going to an Amish world to find Tava beans. Whatever that is...I wonder if they realize that Genii is the plural of Genie? Probably not, they are so…Amish…and shifty eyed.

_Entry 44_  
My ears are still ringing from Sheppard's little 'demonstration.' I'm going to get more coffee.

_Entry 45_  
THERE'S NO MORE COFFEE! Why is Elizabeth laughing hysterically? I swore I didn't mention anything about Adult Abuse...

_Entry 46_  
I didn't get my twentieth cup of coffee and now we are lost in Amish world with a secret hatch in a stable…I have a bad feeling about this.

_Entry 47_  
If Sheppard doesn't stop mimicking me I going to…mimic him back. :crosses arms like Sheppard: Oh look the Genii aren't that Amish.

_Entry 48_  
Long term exposure to radiation…that explains the Genii's delusional logic…

_Entry 49_  
Who knew a wraith flash memory jump drive could be accessed with just a wire connected to a TV? And we thought we needed all this high-tech stuff from Earth.

_Entry 50_  
I'm a dead man. Major Sheppard isn't going to come back for Teyla and me. We are going to die from overexposure to radiation…

_Entry 51_  
Infiltrating a wraith hive ship…very good plan…I'm a dead man.

_Entry 52_  
I need to have a check up for radiation poisoning…I think I'm getting a headache. I need still coffee!

**Aiden Ford**

_Entry 32_  
I feel like I walked onto the set of _Little House on the Prairie_. If they start square dancing, I'm out of here.

_Entry 33_  
Woohoo! I got to blow a stump up today! I wonder if Major Sheppard will let me blow something else up.

_Entry 34_  
Harvest Ceremony! Can I blow myself up now?

_Entry 35_  
I am man enough to handle moonshine! Teyla made fun of me. :sulks: I'm still the pretty one.

_Entry 36_  
I _know_ I didn't drink that much, but are the Amish people pointing pipe shaped guns at us?

_Entry 37_  
Now I think I walked onto the set of a 1950s scifi TV show. Ooh glowing screen…:stares:

_Entry 38_  
I'm alive! I thought Doctor Weir was going to kill us for offering C-4 to the Genii! I think my boyish appeal held her back. :grin:

**Teyla Emmagan**

_Entry 23_  
Major Sheppard smiled at me during the briefing this morning! Squee! I am SO in love!

_Entry24_  
People need to stop asking why I dress like the Earthlings! I dress like them because I want to have matching outfits Major Sheppard. What do they not understand!

_Entry 25_  
That whiney little wench Sora better keeps her hands off Major Sheppard. He's mine and she's already betrothed. That hussy.

_Entry 26_  
I think Aiden fancies me. He looked at me before he blew up that tree stump. But I will not be fickle. I love Major Sheppard.

_Entry 27_  
Harvest Ceremony…Why did I suggest coming to the Genii:bangs head against wall:

_Entry 28_  
The Genii have been lying to me all these years! How dare they! Major Sheppard isn't going to be happy.

_Entry 29_  
We've made up with he Genii, but Major Sheppard seems unhappy with my honesty with the Genii. Maybe if I smile the Major will forgive me.

_Entry 30_  
Sora is a snotty little brat. She _assumes_ I left my people for Major Sheppard. I may love Major John Sheppard, but I am still an Athosian leader at heart!

_Entry 31_  
Stupid Tirius! Like shooting the cocoon man wouldn't alert the wraiths! He should have done the sensible thing and knock him unconscious. :rolls eyes:

_Entry 32_  
Major Sheppard saved the day again! I love him!

**Tirius**

_Entry 1_  
How dare these new people oogle at my daughter? We shall subject them to a Harvest Ceremony because we are F'ed up like that!

_Entry 2_  
Crap…shouldn't have shot the cocoon man…damn you Teyla! My whiny daughter shall avenge my death:dies:

**Sora**

_Entry 1_  
Teyla came today and brought some men carrying big weapons. Ha! Our weapons are bigger and clunkier:flips hair: My golden locks are so pretty. :smile:

_Entry 2_  
Ha! Teyla Emmagan Ph33r our clunky weapons!

_Entry 3_  
They have a ship! I want one:whines:

_Entry 4_  
This is not fair. They let Teyla go on the mission but not me. :sulk:

_Entry 5_  
Teyla killed my father! I shall have my misplaced revenge on Teyla…since I'm too scared to face a wraith. :flips hair:

**Chief Cowen**

_Entry 1_  
Teyla brings us these people with smaller weapons to trade with us. Ha! Bigger is Better!

_Entry 2_  
C-4! Wow! I want C-4! They can have all the food they want, just give us C-4!

_Entry 3_  
How in the world did these two find our underground lair? Look at them they are in a hostage situation and they are mimicking each other like children! What am I going to do... :facepalm:

_Entry 4_  
Okay...they have a ship...I'll use them, steal their ship, and get rid of them...because that is the Genii way to use and abuse. :wink:

_Entry 5_  
Damn! Out smarted by children. They will regret angering the Genii :shakes fists:


	9. Home

**_A/N:_**

_**Lady de Lac: **Thanks, I'm glad you are enjoying it so far. As for the Hitchhiker's reference. I just couldn't resist! _

_**Belisse:** I agree nothing like reading fanfics during sleepless nights. ;)_

_**highonscifi: **I'm glad you are enjoying these. Thanks I'll definately consider writing for comedy one day. LOL. My friends always tell me I have a good way of telling stories of my misery and some how make them laugh. :facepalm:_

_**Hazeydream:** The top looks nice on Elizabeth, too bad that is the last time we see her in civilian clothes for the rest of the season. There is always hope for next season. Yes, lots of bitchiness here, and I'm sure there will be more to come. Again Thanks!_

_**Dr. Dredd: **I'm so glad you like the last chapter. That scene where Shep and Rodney were sitting around. I swear they looked like they were mimicking each other out of boredom!_

_**Rhin Ariel: **42! Its the meaning of life! I'm glad you like the Genii entries, there will definately be more Genii entries in, "The Storm" and "The Eye."_

_**Emma: **I just want to say thanks for the review!_

_**gatelover313: **Well, as long as you survive all the laughing until the end of Siege 2, I'll be happy. LOL Thanks!_

_**nightpheonix:** Thanks! I should have"The Eye"up by next week. _

_Thanks everyone else for reading. Now onto the fic!_

**_Home_**

Aiden Ford

_Entry 39_  
This is way cool! These Hazmat suits makes me feel like I'm in an episode of _The X-Files_. I'm going to irritate McKay and shine the flashlight in his face. :evil grin:

_Entry 40_  
Major Sheppard gave me permission to annoy McKay in the briefing room today. He must still be pissed that McKay said he had Hazmat hair. :grins:

_Entry 41_  
Damn! I'm stuck going to Fog World with McKay. I knew I shouldn't have laughed at McKay's Hazmat hair joke. :headdesk:

_Entry 42_  
How much longer do I have to squat here watching McKay talk to himself? My legs hurt. All this fog is covering my prettiness from the camera. :sulk:

_Entry 43_  
We are going home! Grandma! Grandpa! I miss you!

_Entry 44_  
Antarctica! I don't want to go back to that slab of ice. There is no one there who would appreciate my prettiness! I should've stayed in Pegasus. :facepalm:

_Entry 45_  
Now I'm a pizza boy. I really should have stayed in Pegasus. :sigh:

_Entry 46_  
Everything was a dream! I could have ruled the world with my prettiness if I had known!

**John Sheppard**

_Entry 68_  
Stupid Hazmat suits…now I have Hazmat hair. McKay needs to stop telling me to stop shining the flashlight in his face. I'm being framed!

_Entry 69_  
Revenge is sweet! Rodney is turning red from all my annoying questions. :smirk:

_Entry 70_  
I should have Weir walk in while I'm reading more often. :smirk:

_Entry 71_  
We are going home…where am I going to stay? I'm homeless. Maybe I could crash at Elizabeth's place…oh wait she's not going. Damn.

_Entry 72_  
I have been sitting in this car for _hours_! I am an _idiot_ for suggest shopping to a woman. :bangs head against car window repeatedly:

_Entry 73_  
Teyla just asked me what slutty meant…I told her she chose a nice outfit...

_Entry 74_  
Niiicee! I guess I'm not homeless after all. I have a sweet bachelor pad! And I've got a random pineapple on my kitchen counter and cold beer. Mmm...beer. This is unreal! I swear I'm not giving away the rest of the plot…

_Entry 75_  
Teyla really knows how to chug her beer. I wonder if Elizabeth could chug a beer and dress like that. Damn it didn't work…she didn't appear on at my door.

_Entry 76_  
Why is it that I can get Ford to bring pizza, but I can't conjure up Elizabeth chugging down beer in a bikini?

_Entry 77_  
Nothing like a house warming party with people I know…or don't know… or are dead…I'll shoot the dead guy just to make sure. :Bang bang: He didn't bleeding! I was right!

_Entry 78_  
Aw…my imaginary beer is gone!

_Entry 79_  
Ouch! Elizabeth just pinched me to make sure this was our reality. I thought the normal protocol was the pinch oneself. :glare:

**Rodney McKay**

_Entry 53_  
I hate Hazmat suits! I hate Hazmat suits! I think I'm claustrophobic…I'm a dead man…ooh strong energy readings. Is Major Sheppard shining the flashlight in my face! Bastard.

_Entry 54_  
What is today? Pick on Rodney day! Everyone is badgering me with idiotic questions! I work with IMBECILES!

_Entry 55_  
Sheppard needs to stop spouting out random numbers. Show off. Freak. I'm not jealous.

_Entry 56_  
I am a genius. I found a way for us to go home. I am TEH GENIUS! I miss my cat.

_Entry 57_  
I spent over half a year in another galaxy and only General Hammond greets us? Where's Colonel Carter the love of my life?

_Entry 58_  
Dried dead plants. Check. Alien toys all over the place. Check. _Outer Limits_ on TV. Check. No messages…oh what the hell. Check. Stale Six-month old chips. Yum. Home sweet home. Priceless.

_Entry 59_  
Nothing like having your boss see you in your boxers. I wonder if she noticed… :smirk:

_Entry 60_  
We are stuck on earth! Nooooooooo! Wait being on earth should be a good thing…no wraiths. No Atlantis needs me. I am their genius!

_Entry 61_  
Bing tiddle tiddle bong! I work with IDIOTS:headdesk: We're screwed.

_Entry 62_  
None of this is real! That means I haven't eat for a day! I'm a dead man.

_Entry 63_  
This pinch-go-round needs to stop! I'm starving! I'm sure we are in our own reality! Ouch! Who pinched me again!

**Teyla Emmagan**

_Entry 33_  
This Hazmat suit is very uncomfortable and unattractive. I haven't been this covered up since the pilot! I'll have to make up for all this covering up later.

_Entry 34_  
Oh no! Major Sheppard might want to return to Earth and leave me. My love you can't leave me here:sobs:

_Entry 35_  
He didn't mention about a loved one back at Earth. I still have hope! Squee! And he wants to take me along:hyperventilates:…Why does he look more excited about getting more popcorn then my companionship?

_Entry 36_  
I'm going with Major Sheppard to his home world! Maybe he'll introduce me to his parents…then marry me…then we'll have children…:passes out from lack of oxygen to brain:

_Entry 37_  
Major Sheppard returned for me in the infirmary. He must truly love me! He wants to buy me a new outfit! Earth clothes! Must pick something revealing to show some skin.

_Entry 38_  
Shopping is fun! Look at all these items I bought! I wonder if my outfit shows enough skin. I've never worn heels before, but I'm going to buy these 'slutty' four-inch heels to compliment my outfit. I wonder what 'slutty' means?

_Entry 39_  
This beer, I like. Why is Major Sheppard standing on the other side of the room thinking of Doctor Weir? I'm jealous. :drinks more beer:

_Entry 40_  
Aww…my revealing outfit is gone. :pout: I'll have to make a revealing outfit for my next work out with Major Sheppard.

**Elizabeth Weir**

_Entry 47_  
John leaning back draping his arm over the chair…mmmm sexy. This briefing needs to end now! I'll worry about Simon later.

_Entry 48_  
Nothing is sexier then a man reading _War and Peace_…We'll talk about going home later. :jumps Sheppard:

_Entry 49_  
Crap, now I have to break up with Simon in person. There was a reason I did it on video the first time…:headdesk:

_Entry 50_  
I'm home! I know Simon misses me, but does he have to mess up my hair when we hug? I spent hoursto getmy hair to curl like that! Wait a second…is Simon attempting to fix a Masarati? There better not be grease on his hands!

_Entry 51_  
Simon gave me a necklace. I guess I'll make out with him before I dump him again…

_Entry 52_  
Simon really needs to stop messing up my hair! Grrr…and he doesn't even kiss like Sheppard. :sigh: I miss John. Ooh saved by the cell phone.

_Entry 53_  
Who was the idiot that screwed up the _Prometheus_? I can't stay on Earth. I need to go back to Atlantis. I need Sheppard! At least he doesn't mess up my hair when we make out.

_Entry 54_  
They can't reassess Atlantis! I'm the Boss! I should have brought my "I'm THE BOSS" sign over with me. :facepalm:

_Entry 55_  
I'm talking to mist in the form of General Hammond. pinches self This is only a dream…right:pinches self again:

_Entry 56_  
Is this real? Pinched myself the first time…didn't work. I'll pinch Sheppard instead. He can't do anything to me, because I'm the boss! Haha:grins:

**Simon**

_Entry 2_  
Why am I working on a Masarati? That is completely illogical! That's right I'm not real…

_Entry 3_  
For some reason, I think Elizabeth misses Sedge more then she misses me. I can't compete with pets anymore! I want a woman to love me! Not the pets! That's right I'm still not real…

_Entry 4_  
This sucks. Elizabeth doesn't even want to make out with the imaginary me. She must be having an affair with someone else. That hussy.


	10. The Storm

**_A/N:_**

_**Traci: **I'm glad that your friend was able to convince you to read this fic, and I'm even more glad that you like it. Thanks! _

_**Hazeydream:**When I saw the pineapple I just had to mention it, just because it's The Pineapple!_

_Thanks for all the great reviews! I won't bore you guys with author notes now; since I was suppose to update this two days ago, but some website decided to not let me log in :cough: this site :cough:_

**The Storm**

John Sheppard

_Entry 80_  
Was _suppose_ to take Teyla to the mainland, instead did some weather forecasting…and brought her back. Damn, have to take her back to the mainland again… :facepalm:

_Entry 81_  
McKay and Zelenaka babbling about storms…BORING! Couldn't they just have said "Big Hurricane. Bad. Atlantis no shields. Bad. We are SCREWED!"

_Entry 82_  
Smeagol…I mean Smeadon finally agreed to put us up for the night. Why do I have a feeling he's going to pull a Gollum and backstab us?

_Entry 83_  
Why do I end up with the two farthest grounding stations? I'm already skinny. Rodney could use some extra running though. :grumbles:

_Entry 84_  
Damn Genii! I told them not to mess with me! Now they take my woman hostage:fumes: Oh yeah, they have McKay hostage too...

_Entry 85_  
Kolya will never find the C-4 now! I'll leave a radio so I can talk to him and piss him off.

_Entry 86_  
Damn it…I still have to run to grounding station three. Why do I end up doing everything? Oh yeah I'm the leading man of the show. :facepalm:

_Entry 87_  
Uh…Kolya's lackeys just blew the grounding station control panel to hell. Now we are all going to die. My enemies are IDIOTS:bangs head on wall:

_Entry 88_  
How am I suppose to say good bye to Doctor Weir if he won't let me talk to her? MORON!

_Entry 89_  
:too pissed to make an entry fumes: Okay I lied. At least I look damn fine. If only Elizabeth could see me now. :wink:

**Teyla Emmagan**

_Entry 41_  
Major Sheppard is flying me to the mainland. This is so romantic!…Why is Major Sheppard engrossed with looking at the plumes of white clouds in the sky! There he goes contacting Doctor Weir again…I'm jealous.

_Entry 42_  
Lieutenant Ford offered to stay with me when Doctor Beckett wanted to leave. Does that means he likes me? But I still love Major Sheppard!

_Entry 43_  
Poor Major Sheppard! This storm must pass now! We must save him!

**Elizabeth Weir**

_Entry 57_  
WTF? Did he just say weather forecasting:facepalm:

_Entry 58_  
We are on the verge of sinking into the ocean because of ginormous hurricanes and my two lead scientists are bickering over useless _Discovery Channel_ facts! I work with children:facepalm:

_Entry 59_  
Rodney and Zelenka are scaring me. Do they have to step closer to me each time they say something:backs away from the geek twins:

_Entry 60_  
Crap. Two idiot soldiers let the enemy in and got themselves shot…now we are screwed. :facepalm: At least Sheppard is halfway across the city…by the time he gets here…we're probably be dead!

_Entry 61_  
Uh…Goldilocks has some _really_ misplaced hatred…she's pissed at me and I'm the freaking hostage here! I'm the one who should be mad:glares:

_Entry 62_  
:smiles proudly: John Sheppard my hero…let's hope his plan works…

_Entry 63_  
Crap…clunky gun pointed at me. _This_ was _not_ in the job description!

**Rodney McKay**

_Entry 64_  
Still haven't found any ZPMs. Two giant hurricanes coming towards us. I'm a dead man.

_Entry 65_  
Nine hours till the storm hits…we still have nothing. I'm a dead man.

_Entry 66_  
I got it! Lightning! I'm a genius! Must go tell Elizabeth before Zelenka does. :runs out:

_Entry 67_  
Sheppard has to run halfway across the city to the grounding stations. :snicker: Next time he'll think twice before he making fun of me again. :smirk:

_Entry 68_  
I knew sending Sheppard halfway across the City was going to bite me in the ass. Stupid Genii taking over Atlantis. Storm from hell heading our way. What's next?

_Entry 69_  
I know what's next! Pretty Genii boy pulling out a knife…I'm a dead man.

_Entry 70_  
Just spilled the beans to the Genii, Elizabeth is going to kill me. I'm definitely a dead man.

_Entry 71_  
Gun pointed at Elizabeth…what should I do? What can I do? I must do something! What!…to be continued…

**Radek**** Zelenka**

_Entry 2_  
Yay! My second major appearance…halfway into the season. I always seem to appear when Atlantis or some major character is in trouble...or when Rodney needs someone to talk technobabble too.

_Entry 3_  
Rodney as Superman? Never!

_Entry 4_  
Eureka! Lightning! Why did Rodney just run out the door:runs after Rodney:

_Entry 5_  
I've been working with Rodney for how many months already and he still calls me Zelemka? It's Zelenka you idiot! How would he feel if I call him McGay? Bastard.

_Entry 6_  
I have apparently been shipped off to Manera because of budget issues. :sulk:

**Aiden Ford**

_Entry 47_  
Nothing like threatening pilgrims with assault weapons…is it just me or was that Smeadon guy just slimy and stereo-typically untrustworthy?

_Entry 48_  
This sucks! I'm stuck on the mainland in a puddlejumper in the middle of a storm. And Teyla is being bossy. I think Beckett is afraid of her.

_Entry 49_  
Still sitting in the jumper waiting for the storm to pass…This is the boring:sigh:

**Carson**** Beckett**

_Entry 16_  
I'm only a medical doctor, not bloody Indiana Jones! Don't let the large coils of rope around my arm fool you, and Teyla is bossy. No wonder the Major made me fly her out here this time. :sigh:

_Entry 17_  
Still in the jumper on the mainland with angry people…och!

**Commander Acastus Kolya**

_Entry 1_  
Why is my strike force compiled of two half-naked men and goldilocks? I asked for a strike team not two men and a little lady! I'll kick their asses in two seconds.

_Entry 2_  
Like I said two seconds. Now pretty boy here is giving me an attitude. I'll kick his ass in a nanosecond.

_Entry 3_  
Does Chief Cowan not understand "They are not ready yet!" I just kicked our strike force team's asses in two seconds! If sending a half-baked strike team on this mission isn't foreshadowing failure, I don't know what is. :facepalm:

_Entry 4_  
These amateurs playing games with me. Well I don't like Even Steven. I like Odd Todd. Say good bye to Doctor Weir! Mwhahahahah!

**Sora**

_Entry 6_  
Commander Kolya kicked my ass in training today. :whine: He was mean. He made my lips bleed! I still want to kill Teyla!

_Entry 7_  
Hehe, Commander Kolya let me torture the drunk Athosian…

_Entry 8_  
Commander Kolya just killed the two Atlantean soliders… :shocked: Yes, I'm the weakest link…

_Entry 9_  
I still can't decide if I want to be a good guy or a bad guy…I still hate Teyla…I'll stay a bad guy then…


	11. The Eye

**_A/N:_**

_**Emma:** Hehe. The mid-season two parter is definately a goldmine for me. Hopefully the later episodes will be as entertaining._

_**johnliz4ever:** LOL. This two parter is definately a ShepWeir goldmine, especially in "The Eye."_

_**Hazeydream:** I love Odd Todd too! It just sounds so ridiculously dorky!_

_**fenestrae:** What have a done! I'm going to hear McGay everywhere now..._

_**Dr. Dredd: **You are definately not the only one who thought Smeadon looked and sounded like Smeagol, especially how he was holding that Genii radio device._

_**Jedi Mase**: I'm glad these were funny enough to let you delurk! Well I won't let you guys down and I will finish this. Hopefully before the new season starts._

_Again thanks for reading and reviewing! Now on to "TheEye!"_

**The Eye**

John Sheppard

_Entry 90_  
KOLYA! Great…I'm soaking wet…DAMN YOU KOLYA!

_Entry 91_  
Kolya killed Weir:fumes sexily: Okay, enough standing in the rain sexily…time to go on a murderous rampage!

_Entry 92_  
I'm Spiderman! I shall hang on the ceiling and pick off the Geniis one by one. Mwhahahah. Revenge is mine!

_Entry 93_  
Three down…a lot more to go…

_Entry 94_  
What would Mckay do?…apparently…McKay would write a very big sign saying "Very Very Dangerous Don't Touch"…Is he _really_ a genius?

_Entry 95_  
Kolya said he didn't like Even Steven…well I do! So I'm going to get even by killing a whole Company of men. How's that for not even? Mwhahahaha. Ph33r the darkside of me!

_Entry 96_  
Weir is alive! She's alive! Crap ten minutes! I have to run down a buttload of stairs to reach the generator and this backpack is heavy. Bastard. Where's back up when you need it!

_Entry 97_  
Crap, must fix generator before my girlfriend…er…I mean boss dies again.

_Entry 98_  
I told those guards to turn around, but they never listen. Suckers:evil grins: There's my backup.

_Entry 99_  
Can't wait for Teyla and Beckett…Where the hell are they!Genii are finally leaving…with my woman…not going to happen. :goes on shooting spree:

_Entry 100_  
Yup, saved the day again. :smirk: Seriously is Rodney _really_ a genius? Look at the bandage on his arm!

_Entry 101_  
I think Weir figured out I was mimicking her again. :smirk: What? Mimicking people especially your hot boss is fun!

**Commander Acastus Koyla**

_Entry 5_  
Where was I again? Oh yeah, I don't like Even Steven. I like Odd Todd.

_Entry 6_  
Damn scientist and their reasonable logic. I'll kill Weir later, but I'll lie to Sheppard and piss him off so he goes on a killing rampage…

_Entry 7_  
I leave my strike team for a few minutes and a third of them go and get killed by ONE man. :facepalm:

_Entry 8_  
ONE MAN KILLED A WHOLE COMPANY! CRAP! I knew we weren't ready. Damn Cowen that leprechaun...

_Entry 9_  
Since I have no credibility left, I will use Doctor Weir as my shield as I try to escape…

_Entry 10_  
I got shot…I'm a dead man…or am I? Dun dun dun…

**Elizabeth Weir**

_Entry 64_  
Still have a clunky pistol pointed at me…Did Rodney just step in front of that pistol for me? Didn't see that coming…

_Entry 65_  
If I weren't on the verge of being shot, I would have taught Goldilocks a few lessons on respect for elders. Bitch.

_Entry 66_  
It's cold. I'm wet. My hair is plastered to my face. I'm wet. We are standing outside in a storm. Clunky pistol _still_ being pointed at me. I'm soaking wet. Can this day just end already:facepalm:

_Entry 67_  
I'm still cold and still soaking wet. Must make Rodney lie to buy Sheppard more time to save us.

_Entry 68_  
How to stall Kolya from shooting us?…I know! Spit out technobabble and confuse him! I'm still cold and soaking wet!

_Entry 69_  
Of course we have security codes! What kind of question is that! We have security codes so idiots like you can't access our computers. Bah! My enemies are MORONS:facepalm: Why is Kolya a commander?

_Entry 70_  
Sheppard wanted to talk to me. He was worried about me.:grin: I'm still cold. :shivers:

_Entry 71_  
Still cold and freezing…Is Rodney's arm around me? Didn't see that coming either…

_Entry 72_  
We are out of the rain…I'm still wet and cold. Time to stall some more…7 9 4 2 1…0 3 2 4 5…WTF! Second Sequence! Who knew stalling was so hard!

_Entry 73_  
John's here to rescue me! He better have good aim and not hit me!

_Entry 74_  
Must resist urge to jump Sheppard after saving my life…I'll settle for some handholding…for now. :wink:

_Entry 75_  
The City is safe again. I have dry clothes again. Rodney looks like an idiot with that bandage around his jacket _and _arm. All is well again.

_Entry 75_  
Is John mimicking my posture again? If he is…maybe he'll follow me to into an isolated closet…again… :evil grin:

**Rodney McKay**

_Entry 72_  
Did I?…Did I just…I DID! I stepped in front of the pistol pointed at Elizabeth! I'm a dead man…

_Entry 73_  
Bumbling Idiot Genii breaking the grounding station controls. Now I have to fix it in the rain. :grumbles: I'm going to get hypothermia and died…

_Entry 74_  
Jiving! What the hell is jiving? Worry about that later…Kolya suspects something…I'm a dead man.

_Entry 75_  
Oh good, Sheppard turned off the power here. I don't need to stall anymore…but we are stuck sitting in the rain. I'm going to die of a flu…I just know it!

_Entry76_  
Kolya is going to throw me over the balcony…I'm a dead man.

_Entry 77_  
Yes, Sheppard talk only to Weir and ignore Rodney your buddy. Nobody loves me… I am NOT jealous.

_Entry 78_  
I'm freezing cold in this rain. I'll use Elizabeth for warmth…yes that's it…I'll hug Elizabeth for warmth…

_Entry 79_  
Fixed the grounding station. Finally we can go inside and try to save the City and not get shot…I'm a dead man.

_Entry 80_  
Stalling…stalling…stalling…I'm a dead man…still stalling…OUCH! Kolya just punched me! Bastard.

_Entry 81_  
I'm so proud of myself I bandaged my own wound...over my jacket sleeve. :grins:

**Aiden Ford**

_Entry 50_  
Holy shit! A tree just got blown over! And we are still stuck on the mainland in a jumper. No fair Major Sheppard gets all the action this episode. :sulk: Beckett needs to stop fiddling with the jumper controls or I'm going to kick his ass.

_Entry 51_  
I can see the sun…at least the big ball of flame that is the equivalent of a sun on this planet…We can fly to Atlantis now. Yay!

_Entry 52_  
Yay! I get to play the leader...that no one listens too...I knew not paying attention during briefings was going to bite me in the ass one day…now I don't know which generator powers which place…the Major is screwed.

_Entry 53_  
Yay! Found the Major. He can give the orders now. I prefer just following orders than thinking for myself.

**Teyla Emmagan**

_Entry 44_  
Major Sheppard is facing the Genii alone! This storm must pass NOW! If Doctor Beckett and Lieutenant Ford do not stop bickering I'm going kick their asses.

_Entry 45_  
Our Ancestors smile upon us. They have given us a chance to leave and save my love!

_Entry 46_  
We have made it to the City. We can now go and assist my love!

_Entry 47_  
I should have paid more attention to where Major Sheppard said the location of he generators were…instead of staring at him dreamily…

_Entry 48_  
My love is alive! But Major Sheppard won't let me fight along side him in the control room. :pout: He must fear for my safety. He _does_ love me:smiles:

_Entry 49_  
Great Goldilocks is here. I'm so going to kick her ass. Does she have to keep yelling? It is just the two of us in here. Sheesh!

_Entry 50_  
Bah, I should have killed Goldilocks…could have spare us her whining. But I'm the good guy and we don't kill ruthlessly…unless we have to…

**Carson**** Beckett**

_Entry 18_  
The sky is falling! Other than the rain and the trees…I'm a bloody medical doctor. Not a Meteorologist! Stop asking how long until the storm passes! I don't bloody know:bangs head on puddlejumper wall:

_Entry 19_  
We are in the eye of the storm…and we will stupidly walk outside of the jumper instead of fly out immediately towards Atlantis…

_Entry 20_  
I have to fly the spaceship into space! That is unheard of! Where are the other airforce pilots with the Ancient gene when you need them!

_Entry 21_  
I'm a medical doctor not a soldier. I don't know how to use a P-90! Can't I stay in the jumper with the Athosian kids?Damn! They need me to use the Lifesigns detector. Damn it!

_Entry 22_  
That cheeky bugger keeps telling me to shut up…I can't help it that I can't stop talking when I'm scared to death!

_Entry 23_  
Why do they keep asking me about the location of the generators? I'm a medical doctor not an engineer. I hide in the infirmary all day. :facepalm:

_Entry 24_  
Phew! Major Sheppard sent me and Teyla to the jumper bay where it's safer…or not.

_Entry 25_  
:gets knocked out: I think I need a doctor…oh wait that's me… :passes out:

_Entry 26_  
I had to be carried by two petite women into the control room…how embarrassing…My head hurts.

**Sora**

_Entry 10_  
Sheppard killed three of our men:whine:

_Entry 11_  
It's all dark! Sheppard turn off the power! I can't see what I'm writing:whines some more:

_Entry 12_  
I told Commander Kolya to send guard to the generators. Now look what Sheppard did…should I stay with the bad guys or defect…

_Entry 13_  
Somehow in the over the last ten minutes. I lost my jacket…Now I'm going to go find Sheppard, the guy who just wiped out a company of men and half of the strike team, by myself…

_Entry 14_  
OMG! Teyla is here! I must disregard all orders from my commander and take my revenge!

_Entry 15_  
I failed to have my revenge… :sobs: Who knew Teyla fought like a man… and my people have abandoned me. :sobs:


	12. The Defiant One

_**A/N:** omg! stupid FFN is being stupid and changing the format of my fic, and its really annoying me. If things look funky, I know its funky. FFN is being a bitch and switching all my artisticcreativity to theircrappy formats. _

_**Dr. Dredd: **LOL, how did you guess? I do have a stock of Tylenol in my medicine cabinet...oh wait you meant stock as in money...I wish. haha_

_Thanks everyone for the comments and reviews. Seriously, I have so much fun readingeveryones reviews. Now time for some whumping of our favoriteguys._

**The Defiant One**

John Sheppard

_Entry 102_  
Fifteen hours…fifteen hours! I've been in this jumper with three neurotic scientists for fifteen hours! And Rodney still can't fly the jumper straight. :facepalm:

_Entry 103_  
Now Gaul looks like he's going to hurl…I'm not cleaning it up! Rodney justlet go of the controls again. :facepalm:

_Entry 104_  
Flew fifteen hours to find a dead Ancient weapons platform…ooh a wraith distress call. Let's check it out. For the record, this was McKay's idea again…that troublemaker.

_Entry 105_  
OMG! McKay and Gaul need to stop bickering! Now I know how Elizabeth feels! I work with children:facepalm:

_Entry 106_  
McKay has a girlish fear of glowing bugs! Hahahahahaha

_Entry 107_  
Wraith cannibalism…I didn't see that coming…Maybe I'm paranoid, but I think we are not alone…Crap…

_Entry 108_  
I have reached a new low…stealing from a dead wraith…Ooh shiny egg shape thing, wonder what it does. :pockets it:

_Entry 109_  
The son of a bitch is in my ship and ransacking it! What to do? What to do? Ice? Why does the desert planet _always_ end up being ice cold at night!

_Entry 110_  
Stupid wraith shot me! How the hell did he figure out how to use a pistol that fast! My P-90 is broken…Damn I'm so screwed.

_Entry 111_  
Rolling down sand dunes after getting shot is not a good idea…Ow… :bandages wound:

_Entry 112_  
Holy Crap! I almost blew myself up with that shiny egg thing:facepalm:

_Entry 113_  
Fighting an invincible wraith and nearly blowing myself up is making me hungry. :eats energy bar: Damn spacebugs…stop stealing my food!

_Entry 114_  
OW! Like Ow! I just ran full speed into a force field! OW! Stupid wraith. :feels bump on head: Ow!

_Entry 115_  
Okay new plan…let's try to blow the wraith up this time and not myself…

_Entry 116_  
:F!$#$) pulls hair out: I just blew him up and he's still alive!

_Entry 117_  
Hand to hand combat with wraith…very bad idea. :winces in pain:

_Entry 118_  
There goes my last Powerbar…Ow…enough with the whumping already! I'm already in pain…

_Entry 119_  
Ding dong the wraith is dead. The wraith is dead…It's about DAMN TIME. :still in pain:

_Entry 120_  
Now we have to figure out how to disarm the jumper shields and have another fifteen-hour flight…home…this is going to be fun…

**Rodney McKay**

_Entry 76_  
Come on baby! I thought this ship reads minds! Read my mind and fly straight damn it!

_Entry 77_  
Is Sheppard _trying_ to give me a heart attack! I'm supposed to be the snappy one of the group!

_Entry 78_  
A wraith distress call means crashed alien ship... We _have_ to check it out! I'll let Sheppard do the dirty work and convince Elizabeth. :grins:

_Entry 79_  
Great a hot desert planet…my lips are going to be so chapped. :puts on chapstick:

_Entry 80_  
It's hot. It's sunny. There is sand in my shoe. Glowy bugs are attacking me…I'm going to die of dehydration…last episode I was drenched…now I'm dehydrating…are the TPTB _trying_ to kill me!

_Entry 81_  
Crap…a supply ship…a possible wraith still alive…I'm a dead man.

_Entry 82_  
Sheppard just left me and paralyzed old boy here in a wraith supply ship to go after a cannibal wraith alone! I'm a dead man.

_Entry 83_  
Sheppard is fighting a wraith with a 9-mil…and almost blew himself up…I'm a dead man.

_Entry 84_  
Is it really a good idea to give a suicidal scientist a gun?

_Entry 85_  
Dude! Brendan is such a downer. I rather be out there getting shot by a wraith then baby-sitting this guy.

_Entry 86_  
Great he just shot himself. I knew it was a bad idea to give him the gun. Now I feel bad…now I can go help Sheppard fight the wraith. Yay!…I'm a dead man. :runs out:

_Entry 87_  
Arrived just in time to save Sheppard…crap…now the wraith is coming towards me…I'm a dead man!

_Entry 88_  
Did Sheppard say run:runs awaylike a madwoman...man:

_Entry 89_  
He's dead! Oh thank God! Now I have to fix the jumper…my work is never done. :grumbles:

**Brendan Gaul**

_Entry 1_  
I'm Nyan. I finally got rid of those side burns and changed my name to Doctor Brendan Gaul. After moving to Earth, I changed my personality and identity completely!

_Entry 2_  
I am also the stereotypical scientist that has motion sickness and fears everything…ooh giant Ancient satellite.

_Entry 3_  
I see dead people! I mean really! They are everywhere on this ship! Ahhhhhh! Okay, I just saw something move… :panics:

_Entry 4_  
I'm in a cocoon! I'm going to die! I should have stayed in the jumper:panics again:

_Entry 5_  
The wraith fed on me! It took my life! I'm no longer beautiful…not that I ever was, but still! I'm too young to die!

_Entry 6_  
Rodney's indecisive fidgeting is giving me a headache. I'm going to kill myself to spare myself the torture. Bang! Bang :dies:

**Abrams**

_Entry 1_  
Because I am the stereotypical scaredy-cat scientist, I will say my ten lines and die… :gets eaten by wraith:

**Elizabeth Weir**

_Entry 76_  
Boys and crashed alien ships…I just _know_ they are going to get into trouble…they _always_ get into trouble, especially Sheppard that troublemaker. :facepalm:

_Entry 77_  
Because I know Sheppard and Rodney are going to get into trouble…I'm going to send a rescue team out right now…and because I'm psychic…okay paranoid. :facepalm:

_Entry 78_  
Six hours and still no word from Sheppard…I was right! They got themselves into trouble AGAIN! They were supposed to check out a satellite…not get eaten by a wraith. :headdesk:

**Aiden Ford**

_Entry 54_  
Hehe, Doctor Weir put me on the rescue team. For once this pretty boy will save the day! And I have more lines then Teyla this time!

_Entry 55_  
Are we there yet? My butt is getting numb from sitting for six hours…only nine more hours left. :bangs head repeatedly on something: There needs to be an in-flight movie for this trip!

_Entry 56_  
Woohoo! We came just in time and saved the day! And we never had to leave the jumper. :smiles prettily:

**Teyla Emmagan**

_Entry 50_  
I only have four lines this whole episode…but I _did_ spent most of the episode worrying about Major Sheppard!

**Wraith**

_Entry 1_  
I have been trapped here for 10,000 years. :hiss: Fed on everything…even my own kind. :hiss: Now I have fresh food. :hiss:

_Entry 2_  
Idiot humans…cloak a ship but have you foot prints leading right up to it…because of your stupidity the wraith will eat you all:hiss:

_Entry 3_  
An Atlantean ship…I will ransack the ship because I HATE the Atlanteans:hiss:

_Entry 4_  
Hahahaha stupid human! Trick me and run right into the force field. :hiss: hahahahah! Humans make for such good comedy.

_Entry 5_  
Damn bugs:hiss: I will crush you between my fingers. :squeezes bugs:

_Entry 6_  
The filthy human just blew me up…or did he:dramatic music:

_Entry 7_  
Haha fool! I'm not dead yet. :grins:

_Entry 8_  
Hahahaha you will all die humans! Stupid bugs…KABOOM:disintegrates:

**Glowy**** Space Bugs**

_Entry 1_  
Buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz…

_Entry 2_  
Buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz…:sees food: buzzbuzzbuzz buzzbuzzbuzz

_Entry 3_  
Buzz buzz buzz…we want more food…buzz buzz buzz…food :flies after energy bar:

_Entry 4_  
Buzz buzz buzz…ooh food on that mean life form…buzz buzz buzz KABOOM!


	13. Hot Zone

**_A/N: _**

_**Dr. Dredd: **Interesting theory about Nyan being in a witness protection program. So much good that did him. _

_**gatelover313: **It was a tad bit hard to have any Shep/Weir interaction in "The Definat One" since Weir was hardly in the episode and Sheppard was too busy blowing himslelf up to be thinking naughty thoughts about Weir. _

_**ErabuHikari:** I've used :wink: a couple times. I guess I put what ever comes to mind when I imagine the characters saying certain things. You will actually see a couple :winks: in this installment. _

_**Emma:** There is no guilt with it comes to reading these. I felt bad for making some of the serious episodes all silly, but somehow they all work. _

_**InsaneBovine: **You're right, poor Elizabeth's head! At least Beckett feels her pain...somewhat. LOL_

_**fenestrae: **Fear not! There will be plenty of "I'm a dead man" from Rondey in this installment. _

_Again thanks to all the readers and all the reviews! Also I didn't plan to post this chapter up on the same day as the re-run of "Hot Zone" on the Sci-Fi Channel. It was a coincidence I swear!_

**Hot Zone**

Radek Zelenka

_Entry 7_  
Must get Lieutenant Ford to be a subject of research on statistical probabilities. Ten for ten! He must either be very bad at guessing or a scientific anomaly. hehe

_Entry 8_  
Rodney is enjoying this being the leader thing a bit too much…Did he just call us clowns?

_Entry 9_  
Neleka? It's Zelenka with a Zee or a Zed! But because Rodney is dying I will refrain from calling him McGay…again.

_Entry 10_  
We survived! If Rodney calls me by the wrong name again, I _will_ call him McGay to see how he likes it.

**Rodney McKay**

_Entry 90_  
Ford doesn't know his prime numbers :snickers:

_Entry 91_  
I like being the leader of the group. Everyone _has_ to listen to me. :wink:I wonder if everyone will jump up and down if I told them too…

_Entry 92_  
Wagner and Johnson went berserk and dropped dead. Could be some alien virus…I'm a dead man. But I have to stay calm. I'm the leader...I'm still a dead man:headdesk:

_Entry 93_  
People need to stop asking stupid questions and just follow the leader, ME! I'm a dying man and I work with IDIOTS!

_Entry 94_  
Being a leader isn't fun anymore…especially when every hour another member of your team drops dead…I'm a dead man.

_Entry 95_  
Oh no…I'm starting to see things…maybe if I ignore it, it will go away…I'm a dead man.

_Entry 96_  
I'm going to die of a brain aneurysm…how lovely…: headdesk:

_Entry 97_  
I just spazzed. Now everyone is waiting for Hayes and I to die…I have every right to be irritated and snappy.

_Entry 98_  
Hayes just died…I'm a dead man.

_Entry 99_  
I'm NOT a dead man! I'm alive:cheers: I should stop cheering…everyone else is giving me dirty looks.

_Entry 100_  
Hm…The EMP generator stopped working…I bet Sheppard did something to break it. The man has the magic touch of doom when it comes to my things…I swear he broke my Gameboy the last time he 'borrowed' it from me. Bastard.

_Entry 101_  
Oh thank God! Blowing up a naqahdah generator twenty miles in space worked! Is Ford hugging me! Despite what all the slashers say I'm NOT gay!

_Entry 102_  
Sheppard is having a private conversation with Elizabeth…I'm going to go and interrupt them. Hehe :drags Beckett along:

**Aiden Ford**

_Entry 57_  
I am being made fun of by two geeks. There is something wrong with this picture…Is this bad karma from high school?

_Entry 58_  
Do I have to go into the Ancient lab with lots of broken glass? I'm too young and pretty to go berserk and drop dead…this wasn't in the job descriptions!

_Entry 59_  
Hayes just died…McKay is still alive…but he has the Ancient gene. I'm going to die next! NOOO! It's my turn to freak out. I should have gotten the gene inoculation earlier… :sobs:

_Entry 60_  
I'm still alive! I'm still pretty:hugs McKay:

**Elizabeth Weir**

_Entry 79_  
No one went off-world today! Why do we still have people dropping dead:headdesk: Maybe John was right. Rodney _is_ the troublemaker…

_Entry 80_  
I take the last entry back…Sheppard is still the troublemaker. If he weren't a mile away right now and in a self-quarantine, I'd strangle him…

_Entry 81_  
Mad scientist headed straight for the control room…The next time I chose members for an expedition I must administer an Impending-Doom-Reaction test. :facepalm:

_Entry 82_  
Did Sheppard just defy my orders? Then Bates? Where is my "I'M THE BOSS" sign:headdesk: **Side note:** Sheppard is worry about me. Yay!...Did he just call me Elizabeth? That manipulative bastard.

_Entry 83_  
He just called me Elizabeth again…that manipulative bastard is so sleeping on the couch for the next week…if he doesn't die.

_Entry 84_  
_Now_ the City's automated systems kick in…after everyone under my command has decided to defy my orders and give me a migraine. :headdesk:

_Entry 85_  
WTF! A nanovirus! I thought we had a biological problem. Do the Ancients _have_ to experiment with everything they find… :facepalm:

_Entry 86_  
Rodney's EMP generator plan didn't work…now John is going to risk blowing himself up…to save everyone…doesn't matter he's still on the couch this week.

_Entry 87_  
Does Rodney always have to interrupt me when I'm having a private conversation with Sheppard! I'm starting to wonder if Rodney purposely interrupts us…

**Sergeant Bates**

_Entry 6_  
Major Sheppard and Doctor Weir are having a lover's quarrel…what do I do? Who do I listen to? Doctor Weir or Major Sheppard? If I listen to Doctor Weir, Major Sheppard is going to kill me…I'll listen to the Major. Sorry Doctor…:pushes button:

**Carson**** Beckett**

_Entry 27_  
Rodney is requesting for emergency assistance again. He needs stop requesting emergency assistance for paper cuts!

_Entry 28_  
Okay…this was more serious then I thought. Now I have to wear a stinky hazmat suit. Ooh there's a blue light in the mask.

_Entry 29_  
We have a problem…healthy people are dropping dead…and I don't know why. And Rodney is being a very difficult patient…as usual.

_Entry 30_  
Doctor Biro is scary. I think she has a little too much fun doing the autopsies…especially with that drill. :cringes in fear: I work with CRAZY people!

_Entry 31_  
Nanites…definitely not my expertise…Can I go before all these people go crazy and start attacking me?

_Entry 32_  
Rodney insists we go tell Doctor Weir about our findings now, but she's having a rather private conversation with Major Sheppard…oh what the hell…there's no such thing as privacy in this City.

**Peterson**

_Entry 1_  
I am the neurotic scientist who is going to breach containment, wreak havoc, infect other people, and die…

_Entry 2_  
I'm sure I am infected with the virus. I'm seeing things! Now I will run towards the general populous to infect everyone because I am an idiot.

_Entry 3_  
I am seeing shapes flying around, and somehow I've convinced myself that I am perfectly fine! Ooh a transporter…Oy! I got shot… :passes out in mess hall and dies:

**Peter Grodin**

_Entry 8_  
I'm back! After breaking my hand punching McKay ten episodes ago…The TPTB are only using me in this episode because everyone else is halfway across the City, and Doctor Weir can't talk to herself…

_Entry 9_  
I feel like a third wheel hearing Doctor Weir and Major Sheppard arguing…talk about unresolved sexual tension…

**Teyla Emmagan**

_Entry 51_  
I have a new revealing outfit! I hope Major Sheppard likes it after I kick his ass.:wink:

_Entry 52_  
:sigh: There goes Major Sheppard calling Doctor Weir on the radio again. He's always thinking about her. :sulk: Maybe I shouldn't have hit him so hard.

_Entry 53_  
Major Sheppard is angry. Why is he not happy to be stuck in a room with me! Look at me! I'm gorgeous!

_Entry 54_  
What is this! Give me the most revealing outfit this episode, then stuff me in a hazmat suit! Wait there seems to be a pattern here…this also happened in "Home."

_Entry 55  
_Everyone in the Mess halls seems very neurotic. Does this nanovirus also contribute to making people stupid before their brains explodes?

_Entry 56_  
Okay some bitch just pushed me over a table and tore my hazmat suit. I can't die yet! I haven't confessed my love to Major Sheppard yet!

_Entry 57_  
Major Sheppard has saved the day again! I can finally take off this hazmat suit and wear something revealing again.

**John Sheppard**

_Entry 121_  
Teyla's new outfit doesn't really leave room for the imagination…But I will not be distracted. I will win this match…or not.

_Entry 122_  
Ow! My butt! My arm! My Knees! My neck! Like I didn't get beaten enough in the last episode…I thought Teyla liked me. Isn't it when you like a guy, you don't go around kicking their asses!

_Entry 123_  
I'm stuck in a gym with a half naked alien woman…why am I still pissed off! Oh yeah, I'm mad at Weir…Bah! Women:fumes:

_Entry 124_  
Good boy Bates. He still listens to me…because he knows I can kick his ass. Weir is probably beyond pissed now…but I can fix that later…time to go and save the day again!

_Entry 125_  
Crap. We screwed up and Peterson got away. Weir is not going to be happy.

_Entry 126_  
Yep, Weir is furious. I guess they call her the Mother Lion for a reason…but I'm the Alpha Male I'm allowed to have sex...I meanbutt heads with her every now and then.

_Entry 127_  
Stupid Peterson, gets me into trouble and goes and dies in the Mess hall with a bunch of extras…I'm mean crew members…I'm going to go to Rodney's lab now.

_Entry 128_  
If my brain explodes, after I push the button on the EMP generator. I'm going to haunt Rodney forever.

_Entry 129_  
Since Rodney's idea didn't work, I'm going to blow myself...I'mean a naqahdah generator up in space...either I have a hero complex or I'm just plain suicidal. :headdesk:

_Entry 130_  
I just got nuked. Now I'm going to get nuked again by Weir…can't we just go to bed:wink: Saved by the geeks! I'll make my escape while they talk to Weir.

**People in Mess Hall**

_Entry 1_  
OMG! Some guy…most possibly the infected guy…is shot. Let's ALL run to him and get infected!

_Entry 2_  
The EMP idea didn't work! We are all going to suddenly flail like people in a insane asylum at the same time. :everyone flails and freaks out:

_Entry 3_  
We have finally stopped flailing and are awaiting our doom patiently…Look we see the white light of doom...we mean the naqahdah generator explosion. We are saved! Yay:flails just for the hell of it:


	14. Sanctuary

_**A/N: **Okay just a quick thank you too all the reviews! I love you guys and Thanks!_

_Now onto Skanktuary...I mean Sanctuary._

**Sanctuary**

John Sheppard

_Entry 131_  
Nothing like being target practice for a bunch of wraiths in the morning. Uh…bright ball of energy following us…we are so FUCKED!

_Entry 132_  
Never mind. The energy weapon saved and blinded us. Now we can go and explore the planet…after I get my eye sight back!

_Entry 133_  
Wow! Chaya is hot! I'm smitten. :turns into school boy in love: Why are we here again?

_Entry 134_  
Rodney needs to shut up. I can't concentrate on Chaya's lovely breasts...I mean words with him yapping in the background.

_Entry 135_  
Yeah, Chaya wants me. She didn't even let me finish my invitation before saying yes. She SO wants me. :smirks:

_Entry 136_  
Yay! Weir let me take Chaya on a tour of the City…now I will spend half of the episode basically retelling the whole season, because the writer doesn't know enough of the canon to actually write a interesting episode.

_Entry 137_  
Chaya is soooo purty! I'm _still_ smitten. I can stare at her all day. :sigh: Ow! Elizabeth just slapped my head:sees Chaya again: Chaya is pretty!… :sigh:

_Entry 138_  
Teyla is overreacting…she thinks I have _feelings_ for Chaya. Chaya is girlfriend of the week…I have to have a fling with an alien chick so I can be just like Captain Kirk. :wink:

_Entry 139_  
Rodney needs to stop mumbling Captain Kirk every time I walk by…I didn't sleep with her…yet…I only made out with her. I'm not _that_ easy.

_Entry 140_  
McKay and Weir were spying on Chaya behind my back! I'm so offended…wait a minute! Chaya is an Ancient? Talk about having a fling with an older woman!

_Entry 141_  
Because of my personal feelings, I'm going to fly to Proculus, by myself, knowing full well a wraith hive ship is hidden around there somewhere. Yes, the bright light in the beginning of the episode has made my IQ drop by a hundred points.

_Entry 142_  
OMG! It's a LOTR elf! Galadriel! Oh…wait its only Chaya…wearing a white medieval gown…

_Entry 143_  
So…Chaya's definition of 'sharing each other' meant turning all glowy and blinding me with white light again…Yeah…okay…I'm going to ruin that 'special' moment by saying "This is so COOL!"

**Aiden Ford**

_Entry 60_  
Ahh! I just saw the light! No wait! I can't see…Are we dead?

_Entry 61_  
What is the point of having me in this episode? All I do is stand there, looking pretty, and watch Mckay act all paranoid. The Major has been affect by the alien chick's pheromones, and Teyla looks like she's about to strangle Chaya…Maybe there will be a cat fight…ooh :eyes glaze over:

**Rodney McKay**

_Entry 102_  
Wraith shooting us. Sheppard yelling at me…What a way to start an episode. Oh by the way...I'm a dead man.

_Entry 103_  
The energy weapon knocked me off my feet. :looks around: Good, no one saw that. Ow! My head hurts. Now I'm going to irritate everyone and ask if we're alive ten thousand times…

_Entry 104_  
Oh look a primitive society with half naked natives who AREN'T tanned…I wonder what sunscreen they use?

_Entry 105_  
Athar? For a minute there I thought he said A CAR…A car would be most useful about now…how much further is this monastery? Did Ford just call me fat?

_Entry 106_  
Great there goes Sheppard hitting on the Athar lover. :rolls eyes: I am NOT jealous!

_Entry 107_  
Of course Chaya doesn't strike Sheppard as the lying type! He just wants to _lie_ with her! I am NOT jealous!

_Entry 108_  
Ugh! What kind of god is selective to whom they consider their 'people?' This Athar is one dodgey god.

_Entry 109_  
Sheppard is hogging Chaya all to himself. Selfish bastard.

_Entry 110_  
Chaya activated the biometrics sensor machine! She is definitely dangerous! I'm definitely more paranoid then usual…because there is no coffee left!

_Entry 111_  
WTF! Sheppard took the last of the earth food to go on a picnic with that intergalactic hussy! He is so DEAD!

_Entry 112_  
OMG! HE _IS_ CAPTAIN KIRK. :fumes: I AM NOT JEALOUS. :fumes some more:

_Entry 113_  
She's an Ancient! I knew it! Now she's glowed away…damn Ancients, can't they EVER gives us a straight answer!

**Teyla Emmagan**

_Entry 58_  
We are on the verge of being shot down by wraith darts, and Doctor McKay and Major Sheppard are arguing:bangs head on jumper wall:

_Entry 59_  
Did the bright light effect Major Sheppard's brain? He is acting rather strangely…like his IQ dropped a hundred points.

_Entry 60_  
These people have never heard of the wraith…lucky bastards.

_Entry 61_  
That hussy priestess offered the Major tea! That's my line! I offered him tea in the pilot episode. I bet she's going to drug him. Imposter priestess.

_Entry 62_  
I will sit _very_ close to Major Sheppard to show that hussy that he is mine!

_Entry 63_  
This is not fair! I've know Major Sheppard longer, and I've never been on a late night picnic with him:fumes: I am not going to talk to the Major until the next episode.

**Chaya**

_Entry 1_  
I shall tend to the plants of Athar as I kneel with one leg fully exposed for all to see…even though I _am_ a priestess…

_Entry 2_  
Major Sheppard is so dreamy! I'm completely taken with him. I will play hard to get and see if he'll beg to stay with me forever!

_Entry 3_  
Indeed Major Sheppard can ease my wanton needs...uh...I mean...loneliness. But I must keep to my punishment...uh...duty to protect the primitive people of Proculus.

_Entry 4_  
I just told the Major and his people that I was going to pray to Athar…but I _am_ Athar…What shall I do? I'm in love! I will stay and protect my people…unless he offers to take me home with him…then I'll be fickle and put my people in danger.

_Entry 5_  
How did Doctor McKay know that I spent all that time hiding in the monastery to make up that poorly hidden lie? He must be a nonbeliever. I will keep an eye on him.

_Entry 6_  
Squee! He just invited back to his home! Did I respond too quickly? Maybe he did not suspect…I knew I should have waited at least for him to finish his sentence…Yes, I'm a fickle woman…and an irresponsible Ancient…

_Entry 7_  
Major Sheppard has come for me at the infirmary and he offered me his arm. I'm going to be a clingy girlfriend, even though we've just met. I've been so lonely.

_Entry 8_  
Oh! I activated a new machine! How every did I do that:giggles coyly: I hope no one suspects.

_Entry 9_  
A picnic with John! How fun! Now I will seduce him with my feigned innocence.

_Entry 10_  
Doctor McKay doesn't like me. :sobs: I'm going to throw a hissy fit so Major Sheppard will come after me and comfort me.

_Entry 11_  
I'm going to expose Doctor Mckay before he exposes me! haha! Crap…my fickleness as put my people in danger. I'm so irresponsible! But first I must pass out in John's arm for a few seconds.

_Entry 12_  
Major Sheppard has come to 'help' me. As a gift of my appreciation, I will appear to Major Sheppard in a wedding...I mean...white gown to show my purity and share a glowy experience with him.

**Elizabeth Weir**

_Entry 87_  
Sheppard brought a new girlfriend back to Atlantis. I'm amused. He's trying to make me jealous. Not going to work. He's still on the couch, even more so now. Idiot.

_Entry 88_  
I think Rodney is overreacting over Chaya more than I am. He must really be jealous. Or he hasn't had his coffee today…

_Entry 89_  
Now Beckett is overreacting over Chaya's perfect health…why are all the men fretting over one chick:facepalm:

_Entry 90_  
Obviously Chaya doesn't want anything from us. Rodney was right. We are wasting time. Sheppard needs to stop staring at Chaya. Didn't his mother tell him it's rude to stare! And he is NOT listening to a word I'm saying. :slaps Sheppard in back of head: It's like he's never seen a woman before:faceplam:

_Entry 91 _  
Rodney needs to STOP following me around! I'm sick of hearing Chaya's name everywhere. If she doesn't agree for a treaty, I'm sending her back to her perfect world, with her perfect people, and her perfect Athar…gosh this episode is boring…I have a headache.

_Entry 92_  
Is Chaya dissing earth for being a war ridden conflicting place! She should talk. Their whole galaxy is at war with the wraith because of her kind…irresponsible Ancients…oh wait I don't know she's an Ancient yet…

_Entry 93_  
Ha! She's an irresponsible Ancient! She's fickle too! She only came here because of John. :rolls eyes: What a waste of an episode… :facepalm;

_Entry 94_  
Yes John, go fly out to save an ALL-POWERFUL ANCIENT. :facepalm: This better be the last episode where EVERYONE is out of character…and John is still on the couch.

**Carson**** Beckett**

_Entry 33_  
Major Sheppard picked up a pretty lass for me to observe. She's in perfect health! Ooh she just touched me!

**Peter Grodin**

_Entry 10_  
Bloody hell! Why won't this machines work! ...Major Sheppard's new girlfriend just activated the machine…weird. She must also have the ancient gene or she's a mutant…

_Entry 11_  
Someone is Mr. Negative today. :cough:Rodney:cough: He must be really annoyed that Sheppard always gets the girl…hehe


	15. Before I Sleep

**_A/N:_**

_Sorry no idividual thank yous for all the great reviews again. I'm being forced out the door as I type this. But I promised myself I'd update this before I disappeared for a couple days. _

_Again thanks for all the reviews, and I hope you guys like this one too! Another shameless plug for a fic in relation to this episode is called "Mums the Word." That is for anyone who is interested in my take on how John found out Elizabeth's_ _Birthdate. Ciao!_

**Before I Sleep**

Elizabeth Weir

_Entry 95_  
John gave me a birthday gift! Two weeks on the couch set him straight. :wink: Now _how_ in the world did he find my birth date? Has he been going through my stuff again?

_Entry 96_  
What's this? Why is everyone just staring at the frozen old woman…Aren't they going to do something! Defrost her already:facepalm:

_Entry 97_  
Yay! Our patient is awake! Now time to interrogate...er...hear her story…Did she just say that she's me:pinchesJohn: Okay it's not a dream…she _is_ me…

_Entry 98_  
OMG! Rodney and John need to stop calling each other buttheads. I'm trying to talk to myself… I mean my _other_ self. I work with children:facepalm:

_Entry 99_  
Rodney was totally off when he said he knew what I was thinking…I was thinking…Wow this is SO weird! I need to pinch Sheppard again just to make sure this isn't a dream… :pinches Rodney instead:

_Entry 100_  
Just when the story was getting exciting, I …uh...She goes and passes out again… :headdesk:

_Entry 101_  
I'm still trying to talk to myself, and Rodney and John are bickering over their deaths! I work with FREAKS:facepalm:

_Entry 102_  
Finally the boys are asleep. I can talk to myself in peace…okay that made me sound crazy.

_Entry 103_  
:tears up: It's my birthday and I just watched my other self die…I'm going to need some serious therapy now. :facepalm:

**John Sheppard**

_Entry 144_  
Sleeping on the couch is very uncomfortable…I'll give Elizabeth a birthday gift! This moment can be interpreted as a plot device…or a nice shippy moment. :wink:

_Entry 145_  
She likes my gift! I'm back in! Time to explore the city before Elizabeth finds out how I found her birth date and ground me again.

_Entry 146_  
Elizabeth isn't mad at me anymore. We aren't going off-world. Wraith aren't here yet. No one is dropping dead. It is a good day…or not. There is an old woman frozen in this room…creepy…

_Entry 147_  
Rodney says the old lady is still alive…That's even creepier! But seriously! She doesn't look a day over 9,000! She looks damn good for 10,000…not that I'd hit her or anything…

_Entry 148_  
Ouch! Elizabeth needs to stop pinching me to make sure we aren't dreaming! She should be nicer to me. I gave her a birthday gift!

_Entry 149_  
Did the old lady say she's Elizabeth? Whoa! This is beyond creepy…

_Entry 150_  
Rodney is making fun of _Back to the Future_, I like that movie! The DeLorean is cool car! Rodney is a butthead. :snickers:

_Entry 151_  
Hahahahah…Rodney died! I don't know why I'm laughing…but it's funny that Rodney died…trying to save us…okay that's mean. I shouldn't laugh…What the hell! Rodney DIED! Hahahahaha

_Entry 152_  
Damn I died too! I blame McKay. If he hadfixed the shield in the first place, we wouldn't have died.

_Entry 153_  
Since I'm already dead in the story, I'm going to take a nap sitting in this chair, because I can sleep anywhere…

_Entry 154_  
Elizabeth just used my gift to put you-know-what in it…I don't know if that's cool, or just plain disturbing...I'll stick to disturbing. But hey she liked my gift! It's sitting on her office desk now. :wink:

**Rodney McKay**

_Entry 114_  
Stupid Sheppard. Gave the last of the earth food to the intergalactic hussy. The least he could do is be my realtor, but NO he has to go and wander into another lab and find another 10,000-year-old chick. He must be drawn to older woman…: snickers:

_Entry 115_  
Fascinating! A possible frozen Ancient! But instead of doing anything…I'll just stand here and stare at her until Elizabeth comes.

_Entry 116_  
We _have_ to revive her! We _have_ to revive her! Yay! Elizabeth agreed to let us revive her! Now we can actually talk to an Ancient! Not like last time… :gives Sheppard a dirty look:

_Entry 117_  
Okay…the old woman isn't senile…she's crazy! She thinks she's Elizabeth! Time travel! Please! Sheppard needs to stop quoting lines from _Back to the Future_. Did he just call me a butthead?

_Entry 118_  
OW! Elizabeth could have just told me to shut up instead of pinching me! No wonder Sheppard is hiding from her right now.

_Entry 119_  
I DIED! That sucks! I died! I don't like this story anymore. :whines: Sheppard needs to stop giving me a smug look. :glares:

_Entry 120_  
Hahahahaha Sheppard died too! Who's the loser now! Wait we both died…okay why are we arguing about our deaths! How morbid… :shivers:

_Entry 121_  
Old Weir fell asleep again. Time for a power nap and dream about finding ZPMs…

**Teyla Emmagan**

_Entry 64_  
Are our ancestors irresponsible enough, to actually abandon one of their own for 10,000 years! Then again the last Ancient we met left her planet for a man…yes, they are irresponsible enough to abandon someone… :facepalm: Why do we still worship them?

_Entry 65_  
This isn't fair. Major Sheppard is paying more attention to Ancient Doctor Weir instead of me. :sulks:

**Aiden Ford**

_Entry 61_  
We're exploring the city! We're exploring the city! Yes! I'm on a sugar high! Ooh red light coming from that room… :wanders in:

_Entry 62_  
There is a frozen 10,000-year-old lady in the room… :is mesmerized: I miss my grandma…

_Entry 63_  
Ooh the Old Doctor Weir is awake again! It's story time:runs to conference room:

_Entry 64_  
Ah this sucks! I died too! I drowned….that is one crappy way to die…The salt water would dry up my skin.

**Carson**** Beckett**

_Entry 34_  
We can't revive her! She might die! Not that leaving her in stasis would prevent her from dying anyway…Fine, we'll revive her. :sulk:

_Entry 35_  
…The old lady is scaring me! She just said my name! I need Doctor Weir to protect me! Help!

_Entry 36_  
The old woman is Doctor Weir! Perfect DNA match! I guess that's not too creepy…Doctor Weir is nice. I'm sure her older self is nice too…

_Entry 37_  
I died too! This story is scary! I want my mommy! Uh-oh, Old Weir passed out, must make sure she didn't have heart attack.

_Entry 38_  
Uh-oh…she had a stroke. She's not going to last the night. :sobs: I'm such a softy.

**Old Elizabeth Weir**

_Entry 1_  
Where am I? Did I just see a hand wave before my eyes? I think I hear Rodney's annoying voice. It worked:falls asleep:

_Entry 2_  
It's about time I can see my young self again. I've waited 10,000 years just to talk to myself…and not in a schizoid way either.

_Entry 3_  
I miss everyone so much! Maybe except for Rodney's talking…he needs to slow down…I'm 10,000 years old! What happened to respect for elders:falls asleep:

_Entry 4_  
Finally! Some drugs to keep me awake! Yay! A field trip around the City!

_Entry 5_  
:flashes back: Yay! We found the Lost City of Atlantis! We are underwater…shields are failing…crap… :headdesk:

_Entry 6_  
:still in flash back: Colonel Sumner just drowned…our only escape is to fly an alien spaceship...Of course we pick the strangest one, and accidentally go back 10,000 years, only to have John DIE 10,000 years into the past… :passes out:

_Entry 7_  
Poor present me…I have to listen to these two bickering all day…John is still as dreamy as I remember. :sigh: Oh yeah…the story… :flashes back:

_Entry 8_  
I just realized. I've been wearing the same dress for 10,000 years! Talk about out of date fashion…Oh well, I won't be alive long enough to change… :back to flashback:

_Entry 9_  
Irresponsible Ancients. If they were responsible, they would have sent me back to my time, instead of making take the long way back to my time, by waiting…10,000 YEARS! Bastards. :falls asleep:

_Entry 10_  
Damn fell asleep again! Sucks being old…oh yeah almost died before telling them about the note…Told them about the note.:finally dies:

**Marshall Sumner**

_Entry 5_  
I'm alive again!…sorta…never mind I drowned this time…

**Janus**

_Entry 1_  
My time machine worked! And it brought me a lovely lady from the future. :wink:

_Entry 2_  
The City has survived 10,000 years! Oh goody!

_Entry 3_  
Doctor Moros is such a party pooper. He isn't even excited that Atlantis survives 10,000 years after we are gone! He's just an grumpy old fart.

_Entry 4_  
Because I'm a rebel I will help Doctor Weir go back to her time…the very very very very very long way…doesn't matter. The city will survive 10,000 years!

_Entry 5_  
Doctor Weir kissed me good-bye…on the cheek. :wink: Now I will go to earth and continue being a rebel and make a new time machine that someone :cough: SG-1 :cough: will accidentally stumble across…


	16. The Brotherhood

_**A/N: **Thanks for all the reviews everyone! We are almost to the end of the season! Just several more to go!_

**The Brotherhood**

Rodney McKay

_Entry 122_  
I am trying to find us a ZPM, and Dork Squad over there won't stop giggling over the pictures in the books. :facepalm:

_Entry 123_  
I'm trying to explain our chances of finding a ZPM at Dagan at the briefing, but Sheppard and Elizabeth are too busy having eye sex in front of me… :headdesk:

_Entry 124_  
Alina is a nice young woman, but being as dense as I am. I will actually listen to every word that she says and focus on finding a ZPM. :smiles obliviously:

_Entry 125_  
:yawns: Digging all day is hard work. That is why I work in a lab. Where I can fall asleep at my desk…I think Alina has been in the sun too long. She's speaking in riddles… :yawns again:

_Entry 126_  
Sheppard just said that Alina has a thing for me…OMG! What do I do:freaks out:

_Entry 127_  
Yay! Found the Quindosim chamber! One step closer to find a ZPM! Crap…I hear Kolya's voice. Damn it! Why must everything be so difficult:bangs head on wall:

_Entry 128_  
Okay…the symbols aren't gate address…if Kolya would stop threating to kill me, I might be able to solve this problem!

_Entry 129_  
Ha! I found the last piece of the puzzle…I'm a dead man.

_Entry 130_  
The Genii are IDIOTS! Ha! They killed their own men from their stupidity. Now if only Kolya would be stupid enough to shoot himself in the head.

_Entry 131_  
WTF! Sheppard was Mensa:flash of light: OMG! My eyes! My eyes! I CAN'T SEE!

_Entry 132_  
We found a ZPM! Yay!…Daganians pointing guns at us…Crap. I knew I should have slept with Alina.

_Entry 133_  
This sucks! I want a ZPM! That whore used me! Wait…did Zelenka say we have deep space sensors! Cool:oogles new machine:

**John Sheppard**

_Entry 155_  
McKay is such a slave driver. He should just sleep with Alina already and loosen up. Ooh another unintentional Picasso-ish drawing in the Dagan history books.

_Entry 156_  
Because I'm going to be stuck digging or underground for most of this episode, I'm going to stare at Elizabeth this whole briefing and ignore Rodney's babbling. Damn she looks sexy today.

_Entry 157_  
McKay is so dense! facepalm Maybe I should hit him over the head with the shovel…

_Entry 158_  
Nothing like spending a day digging in dirt, for something…Do we even know what the hell we are looking for? Aw…I got dirt in my shoes.

_Entry 159_  
No wonder Rodney is still single…He really knows how to charm the ladies into CONFUSION. :facepalm:

_Entry 160_  
WTF! Kolya is still alive! Damn. Now why the hell do the Genii need a ZPM for? They don't even know what it does! I hate the Genii:fumes:

_Entry 161_  
Okay…we are stuck in a secret underground chamber with no weapons…Good thing the Genii are morons and they don't know what Flash blanks are…hehe.

_Entry 162_  
Aw crap…Koyla wants to use me to activate the pedestal…I'm a dead man. I know it's Rodney's line, but I have very right to use it right now.

_Entry 163_  
Who would have thought the stupid Mensa test would save my life one day! Crap, now Rodney knows I'm a geek. :facepalm:

_Entry 164_  
I should kill Kolya, but I'm better than that. I'll let him live and use my kindness as leverage if he ever shows up again.

_Entry 165_  
OMG! Rodney should have slept with her! If he did we might have a ZPM in our possession now:pulls hair ou:t What a freaking waste of time!

_Entry 166_  
We get our hands on a ZPM only to lose it the next second! Then I find out two of my men are dead! Now I find out three wraith hive ships are headed our direction! There is still dirt in my shoes, and I'm dirty… Bad day anyone:headdesk:

**Alina**

_Entry 1_  
Doctor McKay is so cute:bats eyelashes:

_Entry 2_  
Of all the handsome men on this team, I go and pick the oblivious one to hit on…Of course I'm looking at you DOCTOR RODNEY MCKAY!

_Entry 3_  
Rodney is acting rather strangely today. Perhaps he's nervous being around me:smiles:

_Entry 4_  
Oh we found the Quindosim chamber! This is wonderful! The Potentia will be back in our possession again!

_Entry 5_  
Rodney just said I was a genius! Squee!

_Entry 6_  
Even though I like Rodney, I'm going to back stab him and take the ZPM away from him. Because we are still waiting for the real Ancestors to return…even though they tell us they are gone forever…

**Aiden Ford**

_Entry 65_  
Woohoo! I think I have more lines than Teyla in this episode! Yay! Nevermind…Teyla has one more line then I do. :sulk: But my lines have more words!

_Entry 66_  
Digging is so much fun! This sucks everyone has found something cool except me. I bet they are making me dig at the wrong spot on purpose. :clunk: Ooh never mind, I found something cool!

_Entry 67_  
Of course, I get left guarding the outside…again. Ouch…some primitive dart hit me behind the neck… :passes out:

_Entry 68_  
Ha! Stupid Genii! I psyched you out and shot one of your guys…but now I'm screwed because I'm outnumbered…crap. Ow! That dick wad hit me in the face! My pretty face:gets knocked out:

_Entry 69_  
I just sounded like a total geek in front of Teyla. I can't help it if talking about weapons excites me. :grins: I love flash bangs!

_Entry 70_  
Ha! Stupid Genii that punched me in the face eariler! I kill you!

**Teyla Emmagan**

_Entry 66_  
Lieutenant Ford needs to stop comparing the number of lines we have. It doesn't matter; we are both underdeveloped characters. :facepalm:

_Entry 67_  
Major Sheppard is too busy digging to notice me. :sulk: Ooh I also found a block of stone. Yay!

_Entry 68_  
Major Sheppard approves that I have hidden a spare knife hidden by my leg. :smiles:

_Entry 69_  
Major Sheppard's quick thinking saved us again. :sigh: I love him so!

**Elizabeth Weir**

_Entry 104_  
John has been staring at me during the whole briefing…I wonder what he's thinking. :naughty thoughts:

_Entry 105_  
Aww…I _am_ the loop. How cute! Wait a second, does Zelenka have a crush on me?

_Entry 106_  
Twenty-seven minutes! If the Ancients actually left some instructions, we wouldn't have wasted valuable time trying to figure out stuff…like opening a door…or detecting ENEMY ships:facepalm:

_Entry 107_  
Where the is Sheppard! Bastard must have gotten himself into trouble again. No time to worry about him. Must worry about wraith dart first. :facepalm:

_Entry 108_  
The stupid dart scanned us…three hive ships headed our way…no ZPM…again…and Sheppard needs to take a shower. :facepalm:

**Commander Acastus Kolya**

_Entry 11_  
Surprise! I'm not dead! Look I have a nasty scar on my shoulder. Now I will defy my chief's orders to seek revenge!

_Entry 12_  
Ha! The Atlanteans are stuck underground! Now is my chance to be slimy again. Nobody messes with the Genii! Especially me:grins:

_Entry 13_  
Ah, my arch-nemesis Major Sheppard. We meet again. Mwhahahah

_Entry 14_  
I should just shoot McKay. Because I'm trigger happy. I bet he's stalling again. :glares:

_Entry 15_  
Uh…I just ordered Bob to arrange the stones, activate the pedestal, and he died…I'll blame it on McKay.

_Entry 16_  
…These two fools are about to die and they are arguing…Are they always like this:facepalm:

_Entry 17_  
Outsmarted by Sheppard again! Damn I deserved to be killed…Sheppard won't kill me! Why? Seriously! Why?

**Carson**** Beckett**

_Entry 39_  
I've said it a million times, and I'm going to say it again! I'm not a pilot. I'm a bloody MEDICAL DOCTOR! I'm so going to die…

_Entry 40_  
Holy crap! A jumper got shot out of the sky! But the wraith dart self destructed…I'm going to die of a heart attack one day… :headdesk:

**Radek Zelenka**

_Entry 40_  
Great Rodney isn't here. Now I have to fix everything. Bah:mumbles in Czech: Ooh we have deep space sensor! Must tell Doctor Weir.

_Entry 41_  
Does Doctor Weir suspect I have a tinsy winsy crush on her? At least she liked my 'loop' comment. Doctor Weir is pretty. :grins:

_Entry 42_  
Oh crap…a wraith dart ship is heading our way…I have to find Doctor Weir again.


	17. Letters From Pegasus

**_A/N:_**

_**Espiritu**: Yes, the eye sex thing came from a friend, but apparently the original saying was not as PG. How can you not notice the eye sex! It's just there. _

_**Fenestrae:** I know how you feel! I've been using :palmface: quite a bit now. I usually change the "I work with Children" line to "I work with idiots" for my job. LOL_

_**Dr. Dredd:** I just couldn't help myself. When I saw the transcript I noticed Ford and Teyla barely even spoke, so I figure if they aren't talking they are writing in their journals. _

_**ErabuHikari: **Thanks for reminding me about the camera! I almost forgot that the camera need it's own entry. I hope its funny. I wrote that part very very late last night. _

_Again, thanks for all the reviews! Hope you guys like this one as well._

**Letters From Pegasus  
**

**Elizabeth Weir**

_Entry 109_  
I spent most of the morning shooting down every BAD idea from my staff…We are on the verge of doom and no one has any good ideas. :has eye sex with Sheppard then headdesk:

_Entry 110_  
My little Major had a good plan…Now if he comes back alive, I might have sex with...uh...reward him…

_Entry 111_  
Everyone can send messages home to tell them they are still alive…for now. While I go and record messages for everyone who died. Sucks being the boss.

_Entry 112_  
After recording so many depressing messages, I'm going to kill myself now…Oh I still have to record a message to Simon and tell him I'm dumping him on video…again. :headdesk:

_Entry 113_  
John didn't want to send a personal message…hmm…more reason to dump Simon now. :wink:

**John Sheppard**

_Entry 167_  
Elizabeth liked my plan to gather wraith intel. :beams: I'm SO back on her good side.

_Entry 168_  
Elizabeth SO wants me. She ordered me not to take on the alien armada by myself. :grins:

_Entry 169_  
Did Teyla just offered to help Orin and his family without talking to me first? OMG! She did! One family my ass! This family is HUGE! It's like a whole village:headtree:

_Entry 170_  
For once I'm trying to follow orders and Teyla wants me to save Orin's family. Bah women! Nothing a man does is right:pulls hair out:

_Entry 171_  
Crap, the wraith are blocking us from using the Stargate…this is going to be long night. :headconsole:

_Entry 172_  
OMG! Where is Orin and his herd of kids? Teyla is starting to pick a fight with me again:headjumperwall:

_Entry 173_  
I'm going out to observe the destruction of the village. I think I'm safer out there than in here with angry Amazon lady. :runs out:

_Entry 174_  
I leave for an hour and come back to find half of the village in my ship!…Now where the hell is Orin? Is he _trying_ to make my life difficult!

_Entry 175_  
OMFG! _Everyone_ is Teyla's freaking family! If I wasn't such a good guy, I would have left her ass…but then Weir would kill me. So I'll stay! Because we still need Teyla for the next couple episodes… :headwall repeatedly:

_Entry 176_  
Finally Orin is here! Whoa…did his family grow exponentially? My ship isn't that big people:headwall again:

_Entry 177_  
I'm still alive...but my head hurts from banging it on the wall because _someone_ kept irritating me!

_Entry 178_  
Hm...if I make a video for Colonel Sumner's family, maybe he'll stop haunting me…who am I kidding? I'm only doing it because Elizabeth asked me too.

**Rodney McKay**

_Entry 134_  
Damn, I suggested that we could send a message back to Earth. Now I must figure out a way to actually send a message back to Earth.

_Entry 135_  
Yes, I'm the Genius. Elizabeth looks happy at my genius breakthrough. Now it's time for me to record my dramatically important message. :smiles smugly:

_Entry 136_  
Let see…covered our doom, leadership, our doom, my genius intellect, our doom, getting mono from a girl, our doom, leadership, Colonel Carter, leadership, movies I haven't seen, our doom, cats and dogs, my doom, leadership, my sister…What did I miss? Oh yeah leadership and our doom.

_Entry 137_  
Who knew talking to a tape for an hour would be therapeutic? I think I need sleep…or coffee…if there is any…I NEED COFFEE!

_Entry 138_  
Messages sent to Earth! Yay!…now begins never-sleeping-again-and-impending-doom…I'm a dead man.

**Teyla Emmagan**

_Entry 70_  
Major Sheppard and I on a reconnaissance mission ALONE TOGETHER! OMG! Squee!

_Entry 71_  
He's thinking of Doctor Weir again! He's smiling because she ordered him not to engage a wraith armada! No fair:pouts:

_Entry 72_  
Because Major Sheppard won't pay attention to me, I'm going to offer to help Orin before even consulting him and even possibly jeopardizing the mission.

_Entry 73_  
If the wraith had not blocked the Stargate, the Major would have left Orin and his family to die. I don't love him anymore. He's cruel and heartless. :hissy fits:

_Entry 74_  
Major Sheppard just left the jumper! He might die! I'm still mad at him, but he can't die! He has to fly us out of here!

_Entry 75_  
Crap. Wraith standing right outside our back door…I wonder why no one ever just walks right into the side of a cloaked jumper:tilts headto the sideand wonders:

_Entry 76_  
Major Sheppard isn't back yet… :sobs: Ooh…people who aren't Orin's family. I'll try to save them too, even though I don't know how much weight the jumper can carry…

_Entry 77_  
Major Sheppard has returned! Yay! I'm still mad at him! He wouldn't leave me behind, even though I insisted…I guess I'm still a tiny bit in love with him…I'm still mad at him.

**Aiden Ford**

_Entry 71_  
Everyone is picking on me today:pout: Rodney said I was analogue…What the hell is that suppose to mean?

_Entry 72_  
Yay! I get to record everyone's messages! This is going to be awesome! I get to hear everyone deepest darkest secrets! Hehe.

_Entry 73_  
I get to record my message first! Yay! Why don't I see anything! D'oh! Lens cap. No one saw that…

_Entry 74_  
Who knew Doctor Beckett was one huge momma's boy! Took me forever to get him to stop crying and record his message…

_Entry 75_  
Sergeant Bates is weird…just say good-bye to you're kid brother already! So I can move on to the next person!

_Entry 76_  
McKay just gave me a tape of his recordings…This is going to be classic!

_Entry 77_  
LMAO! Rodney looks like some mad scientist in a sci-fi show on this tape:fast forward to next sequence:

_Entry 78_  
:falls asleep: Is McKay still talking on this tape… :falls asleep again:

_Entry 79_  
Ewww…McKay almost caught mono kissing a girl…Too much info! McKay still has a crush on Colonel Carter…He must have a thing for women who can kick his ass…hahahaha

_Entry 80_  
Kavanaugh's first name must be Whiney…Why is he even on this team? He hasn't contributed anything all season! Even the Japanese lady did something! She follows McKay around and does stuff...

_Entry 81_  
Whoa…McKay has a sister! I wonder if she's cute…

_Entry 82_  
Doctor Weir had a boyfriend back on Earth? I wonder if the Major knows…Doesn't matter now, she basically dumped Simon in her message.

**Carson**** Beckett**

_Entry 41_  
Three hive ships! Oh dear! How do I not panic:panics: Why am I even in this briefing! I'm a bloody medical doctor, not a military strategist:panics again:

_Entry 42_  
I'm camera shy! I get stage fright! What do I say? What do I do! Hello Mum! I miss you:sobs:

**Radek**** Zelenka**

_Entry 43_  
Since Rodney is figuring out how to send a message back to Earth, I get to sit and watch dots on the screen and report how the Wraith's are moving in space. Fun:headwall:

_Entry 44_  
Security clearance! Damn forgot about that…I spent all that time talking for nothing.

**Doctor Kavanaugh**

_Entry 2_  
I'm still here! Not in a barren wasteland planet…yet. Now for revenge! I'm going to snitch and whine about Weir and pick on all her faults...and neglect to note how uselss I have been this season. :winks:

**Colonel Samantha Carter**

_Entry 1_  
My first cameo on Atlantis! And I get ONE WORD! I want to go to Atlantis, but the General won't let me go…I think he's jealous that he's stuck in the SGC and we get to go off-world…I'm going to decipher these messages now! Weee!

**Camcorder**

_Entry 1_

Recording darkness…Recording darkness…guy finally takes lens cap off…Recording…Recording some Marine…Recording him waving and smiling at …no body.

_Entry 2_

Standby mode…Standby mode…The Scottish guy and the Marine need to stop arguing and press record…Recording…Finally!

_Entry 3_

Recording…Recording…Recording some hyperactive scientist speaking in a foreign language...recording…I think his head might explode from excitement…Recording.

_Entry 4_

Recording another Marine…Recor…the guy just stopped talking…Recording two Marines arguing about saying good bye to some kid…continues recording.

_Entry 5_

Recording ONE GUY talking to himself. Recording…Recording…What is this about leadership? Recording…I wonder if he will ever finish leadership speech…

_Entry 6_

Recording pretty lady…she looks sad…Recording…Recording…Recording…Standby…Finally! Too many depressing messages in one hour makes camcorder sad.

_Entry 7_

Recording random female scientist with gigantic glasses…I think her glasses lenses are almost as big as my lens…Recording…

_Entry 8_

Recording some guy whiny guy with a ponytail…Recording…

­_Entry 9­_

An hour later…still recording whiny ponytail guy… if I had a face and palm… :facepalm: Recording…

_Entry 10_

Recorded every person on the base. I know everyone's little secrets! Weir has a boyfriend…Sheppard wishes Sumner was still alive…I can take over the galaxy with this info if I wasn't…an inanimate object… :gets shut off:


	18. The Gift

**_A/N: _**

_**Fenestrae: **Squee is actually like an exclamation of excited happiness, like a "fangirlish squee of glee." And LMAO is short for "Laughing My Ass Off." Hope that helps!_

_**Espiritu: **Ah good ol Sheppard/Weir eye sex. I hope there will be more in Season 2. _

_**highonscifi: **LOL, David Hewlett is just too cute. I would love to see his reaction if a fan asks him that._

_**Dr. Dredd:** I'm glad I added the camcorder entry too. But I think the credit goes to ErabuHikari for reminding me add the camcorder entry. _

_**Kate McCaye: **I'm honored to have you read this fic as your first Atlantis fic! Yes, with all the headwalling and headdesking you want to give all of them a pillow to bang their heads on instead. _

_Again thanks to all the readers and reviewers! Next week "Siege1 and 2!"_

**The Gift**

Teyla Emmagan

_Entry 78_  
OMG! I had the worst nightmare EVER! I dreamt that a wraith came and tried to eat me! Then I woke up only to find Major Sheppard eaten by the wraith:sobs: I don't hate him anymore. I still love him!

_Entry 79_  
Major Sheppard just beat the crap out of me…I only let him win because I love him!

_Entry 80_  
:glare: Why is Major Sheppard looking at Doctor Weir again! I'm cranky, so I'm going to snap at Doctor Weir. That hussy! Seducing my man. :glares again:

_Entry 80_  
Major Sheppard agrees with my idea to stay and fight. :beams: I'm still cranky.

_Entry 81_  
This military food looks unappealing…how does anyone eat this! I'm _still_ cranky…

_Entry 82_  
Doctor Heightmeyer came to speak with me. Damn Sheppard. He told my secret to someone else. I HATE him! I'm going to KILL HIM!

_Entry 83_  
Did Major Sheppard just tell me to take a nap? How dare he imply that I am cranky! Wait…I _am_ cranky…fine I'll go take a nap.

_Entry 84_  
Hmm…Doctor McKay is "seeing" Doctor Heightmeyer…maybe Major Sheppard does love me and is concerned for me. I think I love him again!

_Entry 85_  
OMG! I dreamt I was a wraith! What does this mean? Is this foreshadowing for the rest of the episode?

_Entry 86_  
Went to the mainland to talked to Charan. Why didn't people tell me about the origin of my 'gift' until now! If they had revealed this earlier, my character might have been more interesting! Yes, I'm _still_ cranky!

_Entry 87_  
I have wraith DNA in my genetic code! I'm a FREAK! I'm even crankier now!

_Entry 88_  
My wraith DNA allowed me to spy on the wraiths! But Doctor Weir stopped them…after I was possessed by a wraith, but that's not the point! I'm going to try again!

_Entry 89_  
After nearly killing everyone, I found out the wraith's ultimate plan! They want to go to Earth! Like we didn't know that already…

**John Sheppard**

_Entry 179_  
Great…the one time I win a match is because Teyla hasn't been sleeping well. I thought I was doing well too. :sulks:

_Entry 180_  
Did Teyla just snap at Weir! _Somebody_ is cranky. _Somebody_ needs a nap…

_Entry 181_  
Uh oh…Teyla is going to kick the crap out of me for telling Heightmeyer her sleep problems…Time to ditch Teyla go to the Alpha site before she finds me. Crap. She found me. She doesn't look happy…where's Ford? I'll use him as bait…

_Entry 182_  
So…found a wraith lab…Teyla is still cranky…I'm going to stay away from her for a while longer. Maybe I'll go take a nap.

_Entry 183_  
Teyla is part wraith! She's a mutant too! No wonder she could open the wall to the wraith lab! She's a freak! _I'm_ a freak too…I have the Ancient gene… :facepalm:

_Entry 184_  
I take that back…Teyla is more of a freak than I am. She can connect to the wraith minds! I just have the magic touch…for Ancient stuff.

_Entry 185_  
Ow! My back! I think Teyla pretended to be possessed to get back at me for kicking her ass this morning…Ow ow ow…

**Rodney McKay**

_Entry 139_  
Everyone is sleeping…and I'm working…I miss sleep…Crap! I'm out of coffee:headdesk:

_Entry 140_  
Did I just agree with Kavanaugh! The world is definitely ending…or I really need sleep…or I'm going crazy! Must go and find Heightmeyer. She's pretty. :goofy grin:

_Entry 141_  
Crap, Teyla caught me at Heightmeyer's office. I hope she doesn't figure out that "seeing each other" doesn't mean dating, but that I have mental issues…

_Entry 142_  
I'm sleepy…and there is nothing in this abandoned village….ooh little energy readings.

_Entry 143_  
Ooh found a wraith lab and a data jump drive…not sleeping again tonight. :facepalm:

_Entry 144_  
I've been staring at the laptop monitor too long…all the words are blending together. :eyes cross: I'm going to sleep work on the control chair.

_Entry 145_  
Stupid Ancients…made me lose a bet to Zelenka…ha! See I finally got his name right after...a year!

_Entry 146_  
Mystery solved the wraith were made by the irresponsible Ancients…why am I not surprised! The wraiths are still coming and we've got nothing…I'm a dead man…

_Entry 147_  
Oh look! I have a five o'clock shadow look like Sheppard. I wonder if it makes me look sexy too…Damn! Elizabeth didn't notice she keeps having eye sex with Sheppard while I'm talking…again. Maybe Heightmeyer might notice…

**Radek Zelenka**

_Entry 45_  
Rodney cries himself to sleep at night! Hahahahaha :falls over laughing:

_Entry 46_  
I won the bet! The wraith _did_ evolve after the Ancients arrived! Now I have money…that I can't use anywhere in this galaxy… :facepalm:

**Elizabeth Weir**

_Entry 114_  
Wonderful…another staff meeting with BAD smartass ideas. The wraiths are coming in one week! We are so SCREWED:faceplam:

_Entry 115_  
It's bad enough that I have a cranky Teyla to deal with, but Kavanaugh too:headwall:

_Entry 116_  
Teyla wants to go and check out an abandoned planet…Yes! Go! Leave! Take your crankiness away! I work with CRANKY CHILDREN:facepalm:

_Entry 117_  
I can read wraith language! I can add that to my lists of languages! Now I can insult people in wraith! Hee!

_Entry 118_  
:Yawn: Was up all night with Carson translating the wraith journal. :yawn again: Did Teyla just say that Beckett and I look like crap?

_Entry 119_  
I've said it a million times. I'm going to say it again. Irresponsible Ancients! They accidentally made the wraiths…and we are going to die from their mistakes AGAIN:headwall:

_Entry 120_  
Teyla was just possessed by a wraith…now our Alpha site has been compromised. What's next?

_Entry 121_  
Oh Crap…I shouldn't have asked 'what's next' in the last entry…Teyla is possessed again...and there goes Carson. There goes John…that's gotta hurt. There goes Ford flying over my head. Crap, my all my bodyguards are down. I'm a dead woman…

_Entry 122_  
I nearly got my ass kicked only to find out that the wraith want to go to Earth! We knew that already! Steve told us that before he died…I think… :facepalm: Either way we are so beyond FUCKED!

**Sergeant Bates**

_Entry 7_  
Hah! I got to shoot Teyla! TWICE:laughs maniacally:

**Doctor Kavanuagh**

_Entry 3_  
Hey an episode where EVERYONE is cranky! I just _have_ to join in on the crankiness and pessimism for one line then go and be useless somewhere else.

**Aiden Ford**

_Entry 83_  
Why does Teyla get a whole episode about her! Where's an episode that focuses on _my _character?

_Entry 84_  
Dude! Everyone is so tense and cranky…I was just wondering McKay had a little what?…Uh…Teyla just disappeared into a wall…

_Entry 85_  
This is freaky…Teyla connecting to wraith minds… :shivers:

_Entry 86_  
Ow…Teyla just literally threw me across the room. Ow…is she really a woman?

**Kate Heightmeyer**

_Entry 1_  
Teyla is definitely in denial that she has a problem…She'll come to me when she's ready. They always do. Especially when I'm this hot:wink: Damn, Rodney is back again… :headdesk:

_Entry 2_  
Finally Rodney's gone! The man keeps talking and talking and talking…Teyla is here! A new victim...er...patient!

_Entry 3_  
Who says hypnosis doesn't work? It worked this time! And nearly got us all killed…Great. Rodney is back…I think he needs to shave.

**Carson**** Beckett**

_Entry 43_  
I'm still afraid of the bloody control chair! I don't want to _sit_ on the bloody control chair! I don't want to be anywhere _near_ the bloody control chair! Yay! Elizabeth has come to save me from the control chair.

_Entry 44_  
How do I tell Teyla she has wraith DNA when she still cranky! She might eat me! No pun intended…I hope…

_Entry 45_  
Teyla wants to try again…I don't think it a good idea, but if I don't do it she'll kick my ass.

_Entry 46_  
Never mind she kicked my ass anyway, after she was possessed by a wraith again! My head hurts…I need a doctor…I need to stop getting hit in the head. I'm liable to get brain damage!


	19. The Siege I

**A/N: **

_Just wanted to say a quick thank you to all the readers and reviewers! Thanks again! I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I had writing it!_

**The Siege Part 1**

Rodney McKay

_Entry 148_  
Zelenka needs to stop stealing my thunder by interrupting! I want to be the one to tell everyone how officially screwed we are if the satellite doesn't work. :pout:

_Entry 149_  
No undue Pressure! I'm a dead man…

_Entry 150_  
AH HA! Zelenka admitted I'm smarter than him:raises arms in victory:

_Entry 151_  
Does this space suit make me look fat? What are Miller and Grodin snickering about?

_Entry 152_  
I only have eight hours of air in this space suit! I'm a dead man…Weee! I'm floating! This would be fun…if I wasn't claustrophobic. :helmetwall:

_Entry 153_  
Yay! I'm out of the claustrophobic spacesuit! I'm floating! I'm on the floor…Ow…my back…is Peter trying to KILL ME?

_Entry 154_  
Wonderful! We need to go outside to fix the satellite weapons and who got the short straw…pencil…thing…ME! I'm a dead man… :headwall:

_Entry 155_  
Back in the claustrophobia suit…One small step and one giant leap…onto the side of the satellite. Ow! No one saw that!

_Entry 156_  
I'm a genius! I fixed the satellite weapons. Now how do I get back to the jumper?

_Entry 157_  
Yay! The satellite worked…once. Crap. They just blew up Peter along with the satellite…we failed! I'm a dead man. Poor Grodin!

**Radek Zelenka**

_Entry 47_  
Rodney is taking too long as usual to get to the point. I'm going to interrupt him repeatedly. :grins:

_Entry 48_  
I DID NOT SAY RODNEY IS SMARTER THAN I AM!

_Entry 49_  
Rodney is off being spaceman, and I get to make a self-destruct simulation _and_ make a computer virus to wipe out the Ancient database…who as the more exciting job now? He does… :sigh:

**John Sheppard**

_Entry 186_  
Are these "we're screwed" meetings getting bigger each time? What were McKay and Zelenka saying! I need to stop staring at Elizabeth and pay attention…She's sexy when she's stressed. :wink:

_Entry 187_  
Elizabeth didn't want me to go to the satellite. :smirk: She wanted to spend more time with me…looking for a new Alpha site. Damn, third wheel Bates is with us… :headdesk:

_Entry 188_  
I don't have time for Bates paranoia right now. I'd rather be attacked by a T-Rex than listen to his rants about Teyla.

_Entry 189_  
Uh…okay maybe I rather deal with Bates instead of being attacked by a T-Rex…who knew they still existed in this galaxy!

_Entry 190_  
Teyla and Bates are fighting…again…I won't say it. I won't say it. GO TO YOUR ROOMS, CHILDREN! There I said it… :facepalm:

_Entry 191_  
See Teyla listened to me and stayed in her room, but Bates stayed in the wrong room and got the crap kicked out of him… :facepalm:

_Entry 192_  
If Beckett had gotten the results earlier, we wouldn't have wasted time proving Teyla's innocence. Stupid Wraith.

_Entry 193_  
Crap, got shot by a wraith stunner again…Stupid wraith…I'm screwed…

_Entry 194_  
For once Ford and Teyla have perfect timing…I feel all tingly inside…again. Stupid wraith. :pokes Bob:

_Entry 195_  
Bob is not going to talk. I liked Steve better. I'll just kill Bob. Bob reminds me too much of the wraith in "The Defiant One". :shoots Bob repeatedly:

_Entry 196_  
Dude! Just die already! How many more times do I need to reload! Where's my P-90! Never mind he's dead now…

**Aiden Ford**

_Entry 87_  
Holy Crap! We found Jurassic Park! It's not on some remote island on Earth! It's in the Pegasus Galaxy! It's Jurassic Planet!

_Entry 88_  
Ooh a FIGHT! I don't know whom to cheer for…Bates is a fellow Marine. Teyla fellow teammate and she's hot…

_Entry 89_  
What's wrong with Planet Waterfall! I like the name Planet Waterfall. It's more logical then M-blah-blah-eat-my-shorts.

_Entry 90_  
Whoa…Bates totally got the crap kicked out of him.

_Entry 91_  
We have a wraith in the city! It's wraith huntin' time. :grins:

_Entry 92_  
Yay! We have a new pet wraith:goes and pokes it with a stick:

_Entry 93_  
Major Sheppard killed our new pet…I guess he didn't feel like feeding him… :snickers:

**Sergeant Bates**

_Entry 8_  
Unscheduled off-world activation! It must be because of Teyla. I'm going to blindly accuse her and sound like a complete jackass!

_Entry 9_  
OUCH! The Bitch hit me! Uh-oh Major Sheppard is here. This is SO not over. :glares and runs away:

_Entry 10_  
A wraith just beat me into a bloody pulp. If I weren't conscious, I would have more reason to hate Teyla…even though they are completely unrelated.

**Elizabeth Weir**

_Entry 123_  
Damn wraiths. If they didn't mark our damn Alpha site, I could be doing something more important like having sex...finding more ZPMs before we die… :headdesk:

_Entry 124_  
Wonderful! Blowing the City up isn't going to be enough. We have to blow it up to smithereens AND wipe out the "Incredibly redundant" Ancient database. :facepalm:

_Entry 125_  
Great Mountain Man Halling wants to stick a guilt trip onto my conscience. You know what? This galaxy is already plagued by the wraith! Why allow them to invade another Galaxy you micro-minded Mountain Man? The Ancestors AREN'T coming back. WHY? Because they are IRRESPONSBLE. :headwall repeatedly then facepalm:

_Entry 126_  
Only Seven or Eight percent! If only Rodney slept with that Daganian chick, we wouldn't have this problem! We'd have a ZPM. :facepalm:

_Entry 127_  
Damn it! Lost the satellite and Grodin. Now I have to make a long depressing speech for everyone to evacuate. :facepalm: Can I just say " WE ARE SCREWED! EVERYONE EVACUATE!"

**Teyla Emmagan**

_Entry 90_  
Major Sheppard didn't wait for me to leave the infirmary. :pouts: He just put me back on active duty and left:sobs: He's probably gone to do something for Doctor Weir. :sobs again:

_Entry 91_  
Sergeant Bates just accused me of working with the wraith! I'M GOING TO KICK HIS ASS. :punches Bates:

_Entry 92_  
Major Sheppard just yelled at me! I don't love him anymore. He didn't side with me for decking Sergeants Bates. He has turned against me. :hissy fits:

_Entry 93_  
Bates got the crap beaten out of him. Hehe…I didn't do it! I swear it on my preciousss…Major Sssheppard. :grins:

_Entry 94_  
We came just in time to save my love! My preciousss! Why do I suddenly sound like Gollum. :kicks downed wraith:

_Entry 95_  
My head! Major Sheppard killed the wraith to save me! He still loves me! My head still hurts.

**Carson**** Beckett**

_Entry 47_  
Yay! An episode where I can stay in the infirmary all day! Rodney isn't here, so he can't force me to sit in the control chair today.

_Entry 48_  
Oh dear, Sergeant Bates doesn't look too good at all.

_Entry 49_  
Holy crap! We have a wraith in the city! I have to leave my safe haven of the infirmary to tell Doctor Weir!

**Peter Grodin**

_Entry 12_  
McKay looks like the Michelin Man in that suit... :snicker:

_Entry 13_  
…I almost killed Rodney…Now he's being snarky to me…

_Entry 14_  
Woohoo! I got the long straw…pencil…piece…whatever.

_Entry 15_  
Rodney is taking forever just to get into position… :thump: Did Rodney just hit the side of the satellite:snicker:

_Entry 16_  
Crap…I'm stuck in the satellite. I'm definitely a dead man. I'm not even kidding. I'm a dead man… :sobs:

_Entry 17_  
Yay! Took out a wraith hive ship! Crap weapons overload…KABOOM!

**Lieutenant Miller**

_Entry 1_  
McKay looks like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man in Ghostbusters. :snicker:

_Entry 2_  
Um…I'm just the driver. Do I have to draw straws? I don't even know what I'm suppose to do! Oh good I drew a long piece. :relief:

_Entry 3_  
OMG! Peter Grodin went KABOOM:sobs:

**Bob Wraith**

_Entry 1_  
Stupid humans! I've been here for two weeks and you just find me now. :hiss: You will never stop us. :hiss:

_Entry 2_  
Will they stop poking me! Because of that I'm not going to talk to them. :hiss:

_Entry 3_  
Is this little human trying to read my mind! Silly child! For that I'm going to give you a gigantic migraine. :hiss:

_Entry 4_  
I lied when I said my wounds would heal… :dies, after being shot a million times, hiss: We will never stop. :hiss, dies for real this time, hiss:


	20. The Siege II

**A/N: **

_This is it! The last one of the Season! I just want to thank everyonewho has been reading thisuntil the very end. There is a very good chance I will continue this with Season 2. I've had way too much fun writing this. Andhopefully mywarped braincan think ofmore silliness for you all the enjoy! _

_Just want to thank everyone who reviewed. So enjoy the last chapter for this season, and see you guys when Season 2 starts or ends. One or the other. Thanks!_

**The Siege Part 2 **

Elizabeth Weir

_Entry 128_  
Self-destruct is armed…Rodney needs to hurry up and dial the Alpha site. The alarm is giving me a migraine. At least it's not as annoying as the SGC alarms.

_Entry 129_  
What just happened! Did some Colonel with a weird accent just come and take over! Where is my "I'M THE BOSS" sign. :facepalm:

_Entry 130_  
WTF? The note Colonel Everett gave me had a picture of a happy face with its tongue sticking out and General O'Neill's signature under it…Yep…we are so dead… :facepalm:

_Entry 131_  
Sheppard is right! Everett can't cut me out of the loop! I _am_ the loop! He should ask Zelenka. Oh right, military doesn't talk to scientists. :facepalm again:

_Entry 132_  
Okay…space mines…weapon chair…all sound good, but of course the TPTB are going to screw us over anyway… :headdesk:

_Entry 133_  
I was right! Rodney just reported we only have a few dozen drones…and the wraiths just got rid of our space mines. WHY. :headwall: WHY. :headwall again:

_Entry 134_  
The wraiths are here. Power got knocked out in the control tower. Let's go to the balcony WHERE THE CROSSFIRE IS to get blown up...er...toobserve the progress of the fighting… :facepalm:

_Entry 135_  
Yay! I get to go off world again…only to be blindfolded and held hostage. When will I get to go off world and NOT pass out or get kidnapped. :facepalm if I could:

_Entry 136_  
Stupid Genii and their obsession with C4…they SO don't know anything about Weapons of Mass Destruction. :rolls eyes under blindfold:

_Entry 137_  
OMG! Rodney was right! The radioactivity as rotted the Genii's brains! I'm offering them a chance to test their crappy nuclear bombs on the wraiths. :pulls hair out…if I could:

_Entry 138_  
Ha! Who's the boss that got us two nuclear bombs? I AM! Colonel Everett owes me a drink! And I could use one about now…

_Entry 139_  
It's about time, Everett realized that I'm the boss! I bet he saw the sign when he sat in _my_ office. Aw crap I have to make another You-guys-did-a-good-job-fighting-but-not-good-enough-and-we-are-still-screwed speech… :facepalm:

_Entry 140_  
Angsty moment Sheppard decided to go on another suicide mission:sobs: Someone tell me how can this moment NOT be shippy. :sobs some more:

**Rodney McKay**

_Entry 158_  
This is depressing…I come back from a fifteen hour flight and everyone is ready to die! And why am I still wearing this raspberry red jumpsuit?

_Entry 159_  
If Stargate Command can gate here…ZPM! OMG! They found a ZPM! But the ZPM isn't here yet…we are STILL SCREWED…

_Entry 160_  
Stupid military. Ignore the geniuses who can help save your asses! Just wait til you ask for my help. Then I will chide and scold your idiocy!

_Entry 161_  
How many more times do I have to argue with Carson to sit in the damn chair? SIT BOY SIT!

_Entry 162_  
Bumbling military idiots! Not only did their space mines NOT work. Now we have NO clue when the wraith are going to attack! I'm a dead man.

_Entry 163_  
The wraiths are here. I can't get the damn chair to power up fast enough. Sheppard won't stop yelling at me…I'm a dead man.

_Entry 164_  
We survived the first wave! Now the macho men need the geeks help. Bastards. I shall scold you until your ears fall off…or until I have an idea. :has an idea:

_Entry 165_  
I'm hungry…I'm thirsty…I'm sleepy…what else am I? Oh yeah I'm a dead man…

_Entry 166_  
Oh thank god! It works! We can remotely control the jumpers! Now if we had two chairs we could have a remote control jumper race!

_Entry 167_  
Elizabeth came back too soon. I was taking a nap…sitting down…time to work on a nuclear bomb half asleep…

_Entry 168_  
Of course the Genii bombs are incomplete…those idiots want to blow up the wraith with this crap. :grumbles: I need some coffee…or a stimulant…anything to keep me from blowing myself up!

_Entry 169_  
Uh…Sheppard wants me to start up the chair, but power isn't working…wait a minute didn't this happen earlier in the episode?

_Entry 170_  
Crap…power is dead…Sheppard is gone…I'm a dead man…actually Sheppard is a dead man…

**John Sheppard**

_Entry 197_  
Aw…I'm not the ranking military officer any more. I still prefer Weir in charge. The new Colonel talks funny.

_Entry 198_  
How dare Colonel Everett brush aside Doctor Weir! She _is_ the loop!

_Entry 199_  
I don't think Everett likes me much, but I'll defy his orders anyway because like I told Sumner Weir's the boss!

_Entry 200_  
Yes! We can power up the weapons chair! I don't have to fly out and face the darts head-on…yet…

_Entry 201_  
Crap, Everett knew Sumner…no wonder he doesn't like me…Ooh saved by the alarms…wait that means the wraiths are here. :headwall:

_Entry 202_  
McKay needs to power up the weapons chair now! So I can recline and sleep...oh yeah andshoot wraith darts.

_Entry 203_  
Whoa! That wraith threw Ford really far! That must have hurt. :snicker: Oh yeah, I should kill the wraith. :shoots wraith a million times:

_Entry 204_  
Damn it…stupid generator had to die now…Because I have a hero complex, I'm going to volunteer myself on a suicide mission to save everyone!

_Entry 205_  
Before I go and blow myself up, must share an angsty eye sex moment with Elizabeth.

_Entry 206_  
They haven't detected my approach…I'm ready to go and blow myself up…or am I? To be continued…dun dun DUN!

**Aiden Ford**

_Entry 94_  
Ooh a new Colonel. :salutes: I'm such a sheep. I listen to everyone's orders. : hangs head: But I'm still the pretty boy...for now...

_Entry 95_  
The first waves of wraith darts are here! What do I do? Where do I go? Where's the Major? Oh Ferrell's position is empty! I get to shoot the big guns. :eyes glaze over:

_Entry 96_  
Ow…I just flew down the hall…with the help of a wraith THROWING me! Next time the Major should be the bait, instead of standing there laughing at me. :glares:

_Entry 97_  
Crap…I'm surrounded by wraiths! This does not look good for my character at all:sobs:

**Colonel Dillon Everett**

_Entry 1_  
What is it with these people! I'm here to help save Atlantis. What do they not understand! Now will this little lady stop asking me questions and let me work?

_Entry 2_  
Sheppard stood up against me for the little lady…either he's a gentleman or he's shagging her…

_Entry 3_  
Because I am the stereotypical hard nose antagonist Colonel, I will antagonize very one on this base, before realizing I need their help.

_Entry 4_  
Crap…space mines didn't work…now everyone thinks I'm a moron… :facepalm:

_Entry 5_  
Okay…now that I screwed up big time. Time to make it up to EVERYONE on the base…

_Entry 6_  
I'm impressed. Doctor Weir managed to survive and bring back two nuclear bombs…If I wasn't going to die by the next episode. I'd buy her TWO drinks!

_Entry 7_  
Crap…wraith right in front of me…I'm a dead man…or am I? To be continued…

**Radek Zelenka**

_Entry 50_  
Yup…I'm just shadowing Rodney everywhere today…it was better when Rodney was out being spaceman, I actually had real lines!

_Entry 51_  
Rodney keeps telling me to run to the jumper bay and radio in…I should just stay here for the rest of the episode...

_Entry 52_  
I think Carson gave Rodney too much of the stimulant…he keeps mumbling stuff to himself and twitching…backs away

_Entry 53_  
sigh What would Rodney do without me?…he would be asleep…

_Entry 54_  
Nothing is happening! The wraiths are back! Did Major Sheppard just run past me and fly the jumper out?

**Teyla Emmagan**

_Entry 96_  
Major Sheppard has been too busy defending Doctor Weir from the new Colonel. :sulk: So I have to spar with some random Athosian guy. And look I tied my hair up!

_Entry 97_  
Where did I go for the most of the first half of the episode! Oh yeah, Colonel Everett wouldn't let me near the control room…

_Entry 98_  
Major Sheppard convinced Colonel Everett to let us help hunt for wraiths. He does still love me!

_Entry 99_  
The Major saved me yet again! I am forever in his debt! That is why I can't seem to call him by his first name…I'm not worthy…

_Entry 100_  
Did Colonel Everett just flirt with Doctor Weir:raises eyebrow: What is it with military men and Doctor Weir?

_Entry 101_  
…I have disappeared! Have the wraith taken me! Did I get lost? Did I stowaway on Major Sheppard's jumper…dun dun dun…To be continued…

**Carson Beckett**

_Entry 50_  
Rodney is back...and he's forcing me to sit on the chair again. Rodney just ran out of the room…Can I get out of the chair now?

_Entry 51_  
Shouldn't I be in the infirmary hiding helping the injured instead of siting on the chair again? Why is Rodney holding a P-90! Don't shoot me! I'll concentrate on the jumper! I swear:squeezes eyes in concentration:

_Entry 52_  
Yay! I got it to work! Where did everyone go? I don't want to be alone with the chair!

_Entry 53_  
Major Sheppard is flying the jumper! Elizabeth looks like she's about to throw up. Maybe I can give her something to feel better… :offers Elizabeth aspirin:


End file.
